DAY 5~*~

Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.  ~Siddhārtha Gautama

today i focus all my attention to the eight fold path to end suffering in my life and the world...to be conscious of all my actions as i go through my day and concentrate on right actions...being compassionate is the key to this...

from compassion all good comes...and from a great compassion my mind and heart calmed last night...i rested with a deep healing energy i had not experienced before...i felt the presence of the place of Soul...i felt the hurts and wounds bathed by Light...i was held in the most loving energy i have ever known...i was at peace...

yesterday evening i participated in a drum healing...i took a turn myself...i felt the vibration of the drums in my throat...the throat chakra...where my anger dwells...where my cries stay...where my creativity gets blocked...where fear and shame resides...it makes sense that this chakra point should be so blown out lately....with the moving and all the other things piled on i was repressing fear and anger...letting it burrow in...

for a few days now i have done so much self work around hurt, fear and anger...but last night in the drumming it all came to me...in one moment...the harm of my fears...the hiding out i do...the brave face and yet beneath it the coward...

and in that moment of drumming i had the appearance of an amazing shaman cloaked in wolf...the fur soft as i felt it close...the shaman held a white buffalo skull over me and in front of her...she blew into it and her/its breath came into me...it gave me strength to endure and hunt for what i need to provide for myself...deer coyote bear snake and bird were all there...i felt each one giving me strength and healing...then the drumming shifted to singing bowls and chiming vibrations...

with this shift a tibetan oracle came...all in white...a powder white face...a bit of red here and there...there was a wild movement to the oracle...trancing i suppose...and then the message "a greatness will fall...but from the fall many seeds of greatness will grow"...i didnt know if it was meant for me to apply or out in the world or both...

as i went to bed i said my prayers and centered myself to do a journey...i was taken into a cave which felt as if it symbolized my throat...i was trapped...i was pulling things off the wall of the cave to get out...tearing down old beliefs i thought...tearing down old ways...tearing down how i have done my life...tearing away fear....tearing away mistakes...pulling down self loathing...destroying self sabotage...lastly pride...the thick ugly sludge of pride holding back the light...and as i did this light came in from holes i created...bright light...and from the ground of the cave plants grew into vines and huge blossoms emerged...

i realized this was the oracle's meaning...the greatness of a structure of ways...i ripped them down...they fell...i dismantled an old way of being...of hiding out in the cave...

from this light new growth was created...happier...more giving...beautiful and yet easily brought into being...

i followed the vines into a sunny place...water from a spring came up and i drank from it...tasting its cool sweetness...it nourished me and helped release my tiredness...it relaxed me...i stretched out in the grass and fell asleep...both in the journey and in my body...i dreamed of love...of being surrounded by it and comforted by it...i was held in it...

i woke this morning feeling the most rested and relaxed i have felt in years...i feel in no hurry to do anything...i feel my mind clear and my throat not tight...i feel at peace...and i know the tiredness and anxiety will not come today...

i sip from my big peace mug i love to drink from...the rain falls on a grey morning...jasmine blooms in the window and fills the air...silence is peaceful and not crowded with loneliness...i am grateful...