Tuesday, July 31, 2012

love big...love small...just love...

do not wait a moment longer...leap on the wild pony and ride...run through the field of daisies...unloosen your tongue and unbolt your heart...sing from spirit...cry out your praise...lift up your arms...fall back...surrender...the ocean will catch you...life is this moment pulsing through you...and love?...love is in every infinite now...reach for it and you will never find it...reach in and you realize it has been there all along...loving you through all your suffering...ready to hold you...to guide you...to open you up and let all the light of a billion stars come in and awaken your sleeping walk through life...

love...love well...love openly...it is all that matters...all good comes from it and so build a good life for yourself...


Saturday, July 28, 2012

sunny flowers inspire love

two sunflowers met in a field one day
one was shy and tried to hide and yet...love opens all flowers...
and love was definitely in bloom...
their first kiss and very happily ever after
inspired all the others who then turned to each other
and created happily ever afters too





Monday, July 23, 2012

tree elf king



dear karen...this was the last picture i took in wisconsin when we went together to see all those amazing trees and the water and the sunflowers...that ginormous field of sunny flowers!...

yesterday i went to griswold conn. and saw a smaller version of them...i went with my friend jane who you would like very much i am sure....you could talk soil and water and trees with her...she loves swamps too like you and i...we drove by the place you and i got lost in...where you stood on a rock by a lake and i snapped the pic of you readying yourself to take flight...she has been to the rock quarry where you were so delighted to be...and then the sunny flowers brought it all flooding back..
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i climbed into the field yesterday just far enough to see nothing but blue sky and those lovely towering flowers...i felt you in that field...i felt your playfulness and love...i was so profoundly grateful and i hoped you felt that love flow to you...how could you not...for i believe in a good and kind god who lets love flow from spirits to flesh with the ease of taking a gentle breath...

i kissed a sunflower and thought of the last time i placed a kiss on your forehead...you were dying to your body but your spirit had filled the room...i know i wasnt meant to be at your death but now i live with regret and sorrow...i know it would have killed me and i know not being there was for my highest good and yours...but it is still hard to cope with from a human angle of emotions...

yet today is your birthday...i see you in the tops of trees today...i see you in the great redwoods...i see you with a squirrel on your shoulder and an owl on your head...i see you smiling at me and sending love...i see you at peace...yet i miss you elf king...such is the part of being human that is hard...to love others so much and yet when they leave their bodies the heart aches....but i open to the sorrow for it means i love greatly and give my love to others in a very full way...

so much is happening in my life elf king...easy and wonderful things and difficult as well...yet through it all i can hear your voice of encouragement and kindness...you cared and i am grateful you showed me how much you cared...

being in sunflowers yesterday and bringing some back was the right medicine i needed to go through this day...and i smile to hear your words...your playful words "come on...lets go girl" and out the door we would go to shovel snow or hug trees or sit by water...the love you gave me lives on in me...the stories...the smiles...thank you...

someday i will meet you in the treetops...until then i will look up...smile...and know you are there...


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

out on a limb...

i was a starving ghost in the wilderness...i was the struggle in ropes and chains...i was the darkness of my own invitation...i was the disaster washed ashore...i was the bundle left at the doorstep...i was the child in small broken rooms...i was fear tasted at midnight...i was the hard swallow...the muffled cry...the cascade of pain crowding in...

then the evolution of the revolution came...in books and people...in plays and poems...in paintings and dances....in beaches and bones...in mountains and valleys...in caves and sky...in all of this i was found and held in loves open heart...

in tears i was cleansed...in songs of prayer i praised...in unfolding wings i was nested...in soft thoughts i was saved...

and here i rest in my own nature...wildflower smile and ocean salt...a lake in my mind to sit by and watch the moonlight reach out...

i shift a foot and find a talon...i reach an arm up to see a wing...feathers catch  kisses  from the breeze...i lift up my new body with faith...i catch a tree limb and perch ...

i watch the moonlight caress the lake...i wait for my own soul mate as well...yet it is enough to have moon and lake dance together so lovingly...to watch the slow breathing of stars at peace...it is enough to taste the sweetness of a summer too majickal for words...

this moment is full...i am grateful..i am happy...


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

art heals

back to painting like the old days...hours upon hours obsessed with pushing paint along a surface...my hands feverishly reaching for a tube of paint...layering...moving from one area to another...breaking composition rules...not following color placement...thumbing my nose at teachers and that skinny little critic who gave me a lecture once and patted me on the head...

in my studio i am in control...i am the judge and jury...i am not told by anyone what i can and can not do...in this room...in this world...i am the god...

and then i step out of the room and into another and sit...and the thoughts fly in...like the angry bats of my most recent journeys...thoughts of things i dont want to have working on me right now...but there they are...biting into me with their little poisons...coursing through my veins...weakening me...those little nasty words seeping into all the cells of my body...and yet...

i am blessed to reach back in my memory to when i was very young...i remember what it felt like to sit under a tree and for that tree to be the center of the universe...and know i was the god of that world...and nothing i didnt want around me could stay...i could banish anything or draw anything to me...i would lift my little hand and bring a butterfly to me...i could ask the tree for a story and hear it...i could race the clouds along and stop the rain from falling...i could conjure a song or dance without caring who saw me...i was fully in control of my world and it was a happy one...but then they came...the nasty bats...

those dark little thoughts that came flying in...they were from those who judge...they swooped down and flew into my mind...they would bite me and infect me...they weakened me...they trained me to respond to their commands...they fly into the cave of my mind and live...and when i am tired or feeling most vulnerable they fly out and reinfect me...but...

my paints are the cure...they remove the dark places where those bats live...if i keep painting they have no dark places to hide...they burn up in the light of my stronger thoughts...so i paint...i paint and kill off all those horrible bats sent my way...and someday soon...very soon i know...there will be no more bats to poison my happiness...there will be no more and i will be god of every room...i will be god of my world again...without bats to keep me weak...




Wednesday, July 4, 2012

becoming...

i took this pic of a strawberry with one petal left...i sat with it for a few minutes and waited for the right wind to take the last petal away...the wind shook it and the petal surrendered...the little bit of a strawberry spoke to me...taught me...she saw me...she saw my aging body and sensed its fatigue...i am turning 50 this year...a year in which i feel like i am starting over in many ways...in other ways just getting started...she knew this...like all of nature she knew everything:)

this wee bit said this is where i am now...in the summer turning from flower to fruit...she said to be in the sun and ripen...to enjoy harvest time this year...to play and grow and stretch and become what i was suppose to be but kept still under the surface for too long...i was a seed and then a flower becoming a fruit...

and then i thought about other people i know...the changes and revelations...the self work and the self acceptance...the becoming...the constant transformation...from days to seasons to years...markers letting us know we are becoming more and more ourselves until the final all-knowing when we go again to where we all go...

i have seen death and faced it...i have sometimes even embraced it...but yet this drive for getting through this lifetime has been there as well...and now i am releasing the last petal and ripening...letting go of the thing i thought i was and embracing what i am...and then someday releasing it and becoming something else...an endless transformation...change...impermanence even in my own body...in my own ways...

i hope where ever you are in the process you know you have a kindred...we sweeten together, aye?...and someday i will be sweet enough and become the best strawberry wine:)...



Monday, July 2, 2012

i am this...

i am the flower shedding...turning into fruit...ripening as summer grows thicker...gathering my strength from the sun...growing into myself fully...sweetening...readying myself for you...