Friday, March 22, 2013

opening


i do not have blind faith...i have no need for blind acceptance...i see the unseen everywhere and in everything...i see god in the speck and in the infinite...i have faith all is as it should be even as it is sometimes painful...i have faith there is purpose in each second of each life that has ever been or will ever be...all things matter in a world where we must traverse the ever changing shapeshifting of matter...while also knowing matter itself does not matter...and it is not lost on me that in the end love will survive this life of mine as i depart...the love i put into the world will live on and the love i take with me will comfort my seperation from form...

my pockets are full of love tonight...and tucked into quiet places in my heart is even more tender love...my soul is pulsing with the light of love...it would not shock me to look at my hands and see light shooting out my fingertips...it would not startle me to look in the mirror and see my soul shining out of my eyes...i feel my soul this hour...it is reaching out and touching other souls...connecting with all the love sent out in prayers and good thoughts...i feel the presence of so many others full of this love...their hearts open and their eyes moist like mine...praising all the beautiful gifts we give to each other...offerings of love which give us courage and strength to face a world in crisis...

i have hope for all those who live in the fear of sharing their own tender feelings...may they open their hearts...it will ache at first...what heart wouldnt hurt that has been closed for so long...but then the light works to heal this ache...the sharp edges are made smooth...the pounding beat softness to a gentle drumming...you will survive your own awakening...freeing yourself...joining us...in the great flowing river of love...

here it is...a beginning...a breath...a cleansing sigh...some tears...palms up...heart opening like a flower...reaching towards the light...

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

go go go spring!




i have decided this is my theme song for spring...i even found my childhood pocket knife as i was getting crazy with my spring cleaning today...lots of gratitude today...thanks kath for that grain of truth you planted in me in our last conversation...it has grown into a field of dreams overnight! you are the best and all the best people know it..i know it for sure...we have fought like sisters and went to war like brothers...laughed like sinners and cried like saints...we walk not easy paths but good ones...i am proud of yours...i am happy to come out the other side of my crazy years still knowing you...thank you...

thanks to the trees who teach me to stick to my roots but reach for the sky...to die to the old self and grow into the new...i dont care who sees me...i will always hug y'all and talk to you and listen too...i adore you...

thanks to the lovers in my life who still want to know me and be around me...you all are such a delight to know...even though i hibernated this winter i missed you...

thanks to litsong who sends good vibes and thanks for sharing her cool son and her time with me...for teaching me to fly kites and reminding me to breath...see you this summer!...

thanks to those who support my creative ways and those who dig the shaman thing i do...you should go into the woods with me and play sometime...or to the beach...gonna be making some cool art in nature this year...and i am gonna write more and self publish a chapbook atleast...

thanks to janet...i missed you and am glad your spirit is happy and can visit me in my journeys...thank you for the gift of showing me what our life would have been like...it helped heal the part of me i couldnt heal...

thanks to jack (outside the box)...i still do the silly thing we use to do and think of you;)...each spring i have you on my mind more than any time of the year..."spring is my color" you use to say and i knew it to be so very true...you were always spring time...you could always turn a dull grey day into sunshine and daffydills...

thanks to me...it aint easy being green but it beats being blue...

thanks to the creator who is the first and greatest artist and shaman...who started this whole adventure in the first place...i love you and your mysterious ways...when i notice you at work in things it amazes me but doesnt surprise me...

i hope everyone is getting a theme song ready and getting excited about spring...tough times right now for alot of folks but it can be overcome with tender hearts and helping hands...

lets be gentler and kinder to each other...make peace with life and go with the flow of the current and not against it...take time for moonlight...sing softly and slow dance with someone you love...smile back at the flowers and remember to applaud the songbirds...gather each day up at its end and say thank you...ease the worry away from you and bring in the blessings of possibilities...grow hope and grow veggies...plant loving seeds of happiness in places folks will find them...encourage yourself and others to heal...soften your heart...feed your mind and spirit with wholesome books and songs and shows...feed your body healthy food and feed your children food lovingly prepared...

bless everything...bless your water and be grateful you have it...bless your meals...bless your friends and family...it is a powerful phrase when you say it out loud...bless yourself...

and women...try this...instead of calling the women in your life girls call them women...i greet other women by say "hey woman"...we say hey man so think about it...think about the power in such a thing...say it and see how strong it sounds...lets help each other be strong...

spring is about rebirth and discovery of newness...would you like a fresh start? i am going to have one...

march 20th...

a leaping off point...clean out my space...stock some healthy food...take walks in nature...better health...reach out to loving people...be grateful for each moment...laugh...loosen up...be of service to others...make art...hug trees...

and know this person...me...is on your side...believing in you and hoping for you to be well and happy...i am you and you are me and here we are as part of this amazing adventure...

Monday, March 11, 2013

good night kiss

 
i went back over the years tonight
as if i were stepping quickly
into the footprints the tide was erasing
 
i was retracing the places in my heart
unwilling to let them become faint
 
taking the memories back
writing them down
under my skin
on my tongue
in my ears
along my thighs
 
the memory of you standing in the river
water rushing around you
 
you stood like a warrior
 
legs apart and hands on hips
your back to the current
you were strong and wild that day
 
other memories i retrace
etching them deeper
into my skin
each one precious
each one filling me with joy
 
i will live on these if i must
in the quiet folds of nights heavy hours
 
i will reach up my hand towards the candlelight
look in my palm and there will be written
all the times you held my hand as we slept
 
i kiss this hand as if it is yours
 and say thank you
 
    thank you    
i love you
 
good night
 

Saturday, March 9, 2013

souls teaching...

my morning journey didnt take me to a good place but it took me exactly to where i needed to go...and i am grateful for this...and as i navigated the sorrow in my journey the light of my soul was with me...my soul was my guide!...i have never had such an experience...my own soul shining before me in such a powerful way...it is one thing to sense the presence of your higher self/soul...but another thing to have an intimate awakening experience...i humbled myself before this unique teacher...trusting my soul as it took me into the darkness of my suffering...trusting myself...my human part to not be afraid or ashamed but look at all my darkness and find the tenderness in knowing i have acted wrongly and selfishly and destructively at times in my life...but alsoto know i did it to avoid pain or to seek love...yet how i did it was wrong...this is where the beauty of evolving more fully into an integrated soul and human is such a powerful thing to do...a healing thing...a grace-filled blessing...

i didnt produce the artwork i wanted to today but i produced a better life for my body and soul...in finding a deeper love and appreciation for myself...

at the end of the journey i was standing at my birthday cake from last year...placing the candles in it...sharing the cake with others...inviting kids to come around to help blow the candles out...

 
as the lights came back on and everyone settled into conversations again i took it all in...it was such a special night...i had made it through some tough stuff and let go of so much...still vulnerable...yet willing to be open-hearted...

i looked around and saw so many faces i adore...so many that encouraged me...even in the most simplest of ways...and my heart lifted up and literally fluttered with the joy of the moment...a couple cuddling, children playing with musical instruments, folks braving the open mike...poetry, songs, stories...all those shining faces...all those beautiful souls...grateful for each person there...it was so nice to feel included and accepted...

this journey today showed me the dark and the light in such a pronounced way...i think that night especially showed me there are angels who are people and the room was full of them loving each other and me...it was all this simple yet beautiful flow of genuine happiness...it was inspiring to me and good to look back on...these are the times i hold so dear really...the times that make me smile...

my soul took the dark parts that came up today and transformed them into light and then gave me a reminder in this memory...goodness and good people are so precious and beautiful...nothing forced and nothing flashy...nothing unkind or edgy...just sweet and funny and a delicate embrace of open-heartedness...which is really to me the most beautiful way to be...even if it isnt easy at times...it creates so much light and heals the suffering of the world...

i honestly dont know what direction to take right now...recovering from poor health...medical bills that are alittle overwhelming...yet i am not afraid...i have this tremedous trust these days...i trust the unseen...and i trust my soul...i know spring will be kind and show me the way...i dont know if i will fully step back into the world in the way i was in it...i feel nature will give me direction...i have changed but i think it is a change that will help me deal with a world that is difficult and at odds with my ways at times...i love myself through the difficult parts and appreciate my beautiful parts...i dont feel bad about being different but see the blessings of placing such importance on my spiritual path and letting go of the need for the things that were once so important or things i used to numb me out or distract me from feeling my own soul...i love who i am..it is good to say and great to feel...

smiling and grateful to be here and to have had such a good teaching in my journey today...