souls teaching...

my morning journey didnt take me to a good place but it took me exactly to where i needed to go...and i am grateful for this...and as i navigated the sorrow in my journey the light of my soul was with me...my soul was my guide!...i have never had such an experience...my own soul shining before me in such a powerful way...it is one thing to sense the presence of your higher self/soul...but another thing to have an intimate awakening experience...i humbled myself before this unique teacher...trusting my soul as it took me into the darkness of my suffering...trusting myself...my human part to not be afraid or ashamed but look at all my darkness and find the tenderness in knowing i have acted wrongly and selfishly and destructively at times in my life...but alsoto know i did it to avoid pain or to seek love...yet how i did it was wrong...this is where the beauty of evolving more fully into an integrated soul and human is such a powerful thing to do...a healing thing...a grace-filled blessing...

i didnt produce the artwork i wanted to today but i produced a better life for my body and soul...in finding a deeper love and appreciation for myself...

at the end of the journey i was standing at my birthday cake from last year...placing the candles in it...sharing the cake with others...inviting kids to come around to help blow the candles out...

 

as the lights came back on and everyone settled into conversations again i took it all in...it was such a special night...i had made it through some tough stuff and let go of so much...still vulnerable...yet willing to be open-hearted...

i looked around and saw so many faces i adore...so many that encouraged me...even in the most simplest of ways...and my heart lifted up and literally fluttered with the joy of the moment...a couple cuddling, children playing with musical instruments, folks braving the open mike...poetry, songs, stories...all those shining faces...all those beautiful souls...grateful for each person there...it was so nice to feel included and accepted...

this journey today showed me the dark and the light in such a pronounced way...i think that night especially showed me there are angels who are people and the room was full of them loving each other and me...it was all this simple yet beautiful flow of genuine happiness...it was inspiring to me and good to look back on...these are the times i hold so dear really...the times that make me smile...

my soul took the dark parts that came up today and transformed them into light and then gave me a reminder in this memory...goodness and good people are so precious and beautiful...nothing forced and nothing flashy...nothing unkind or edgy...just sweet and funny and a delicate embrace of open-heartedness...which is really to me the most beautiful way to be...even if it isnt easy at times...it creates so much light and heals the suffering of the world...

i honestly dont know what direction to take right now...recovering from poor health...medical bills that are alittle overwhelming...yet i am not afraid...i have this tremedous trust these days...i trust the unseen...and i trust my soul...i know spring will be kind and show me the way...i dont know if i will fully step back into the world in the way i was in it...i feel nature will give me direction...i have changed but i think it is a change that will help me deal with a world that is difficult and at odds with my ways at times...i love myself through the difficult parts and appreciate my beautiful parts...i dont feel bad about being different but see the blessings of placing such importance on my spiritual path and letting go of the need for the things that were once so important or things i used to numb me out or distract me from feeling my own soul...i love who i am..it is good to say and great to feel...

smiling and grateful to be here and to have had such a good teaching in my journey today...