Wednesday, November 30, 2011

was thinkin about bobby at one in the morning...



yes he does more than dont worry be happy...beautiful music...an awesome ave maria...by the sea is another fav of mine...check his work out on youtube...makes me happy...such a good soul...

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

some days...









some days it hurts so much to be in this world...this world where i dont fit...where so little makes sense...where i try so very hard to be "normal" and yet i am not...i stood listening to a man talk about trips with his wife...where they bought african masks...and i could have just stayed there listening to his stories all day...i lost myself for a moment at another point watching a sad young man count out change for a drink...down to his last pennies he didnt have enough and i walked by and put in his hand a five dollar bill even though i am semi broke...i just wanted to give him the happiness of the drink...i connected with them because they are me...

and i got sad today...i got sad because the world around me felt sad today...there was this edge to everything and everyone today...a thorny edge of unhappiness...and i was a part of it...

i could have easily climbed into that unhappy world but i didnt...instead i looked at my photographs of nature...of waterlilies...they make me happy...they make me feel "normal" in my own little world...they connect me with peace and harmony...

of all flowers the waterlilies make me feel like...well...even if i may not belong anywhere i belong to them...they are my kindred...they will always be kind to me...never judge me...send me beautiful soul energy...and out in the world this is not a normal thing to think of waterlilies...but in my world...a world where a man talking about a trip or a thirsty young man without money or a stranger who looks my way and smiles...well they are waterlilies too...they just dont know it...and they make me happy too...

a warrior's heart

(as an artist i always put myself out there...in the images and words i create...they sometimes take me off a cliff or simply set me high on a mountain...they can out me as a lover of women or show the deep rooted spiritual love i have for all...i let people into my inner world in a way that to me is vulnerable but not dangerous...you are not close though you receive many of my closest thoughts...yet in life i have become more cautious and stopped risking so much upon the Altar of Love...

so i struggle with feelings and yet wade in all the same...hoping to learn to swim finally...tired of drowning...i think i am close to learning so much about love and being open to it...learning a healthier approach...how can an artist not love...it is the blood of art...it keeps the creative force alive...it is who i am...i dont know how to stay in my shell for long and play it safe...i need to write and paint and put myself out there into it all...into the messy parts of life...into the painful places...and into the passionate ones as well...especially the passionate ones...

i write these next lines with such a kind heart towards my struggles to open up...to the opening of a new way of navigating myself...i have come to an ending of the long war within me...i am now ready to surrender to my tender years...with less heartache and more peace...and as the old temple i built has fallen into ruins...i will build a new temple to love and make my home there...in peace...with passion...full of happiness...

so here is my love poem to myself...perhaps it will touch the tender place in you...for so many of us wander the battlefield when all we had to do was walk away from the war we waged against our own happiness...)


its in the slide of your hand...in the arch of your back...in the sigh of your hips...

its in the words you have swallowed...yet they rise up again...the oh god i love her thundering under your skin...

its all in the curve of your ear where a tongue could dance...

its in the pounding your heart takes fighting your own fears...

its in the tight muscles of    i    want    her    lips    right    there...its in the panting of your fingers as you imagine her...right...there...

its in the slam of these words...in the barbed wire of these lines...

its in the wrecking ball hitting your wall of resistance...its in the crash of all your defenses...

its in the flash flood of your tears...its in the narrowing of this year...

its in the stillness of your nest...

its in the secret held too close it might be crushed to death...

its in the wishful stars that fill your eyes...it is in the fall of the armor now too heavy to bear...

its in the end to the war inside of you...


the battles are done...your feelings escape...your body sighs as you surrender to Love...the only way a warrior knows how...with courage...

Saturday, November 26, 2011

lost soul...

night comes to carry me off...sweeping me up in a rush of wings and air...in the gulp of sky i am swallowed whole...lost in movement and the roar of wind...i am a blur of energy shifting into a new me of feathers and empty bones...i am a raven snatching at currents...dipping a wing and collapsing from the sky...broken on the ground...without a sound...shedding this last chance...walking into the woods...wandering...searching...for my place to be...turning around inside of me...a lost soul climbing a tree...looking out at the tops of the pines swaying...stars coming close to my touch...i am unafraid to lift off and float away...i have nothing to lose and all the world to gain...free to become...

Friday, November 25, 2011

rememberance


love remains

simple words i tell myself this morning

you are taught what you seek to teach...

you are loved as much as you are willing to risk loving...

your mind can create your outward world...create a beautiful world...

do not walk away from your core values or the temple of your soul will collapse...

wrong actions have wide ripples of suffering...right actions have infinite ripples of healing the world of suffering...

when tears come allow them to cleanse and not burn away your heart's happiness...

pray for others and let it be sent pure and with a sacred strength of profound and fierce love...

do not lie to yourself about anything...ignorance is a destroyer...

do not give in to the “norm”...often the norm is a lazy shortcut which never arrives at a happy destination...

your limitations are only there because you lack imagination and carry an abundance of fear...the cure for this is daydreaming followed by joyous action...

feel you are hated and you become a hateful person...

be honorable and do well with all you do...dishonor right actions and you will always fail...
never ration love towards others or use it for self gain...
above all be kind...

Thursday, November 24, 2011

why did the turkey cross the road?



duh...to get away from her family!...so remember this thanksgiving do not run out into traffic to escape the craziness...simply treat your family like a reality tv show and give yourself commercial breaks...a bottle of wine in the guest bathroom is always a good way to escape...and if you have a family you dont want to escape from then count your blessings and give them a big hug!...gobble up the good day in your expand-o-pants and play well with others...oh and no fighting over the parson's nose!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

yatra

i am moving away
from the cravings
and the distractions
of a crowded mind

i am crossing the smooth waters
away from the debri strewn shore--
into expanding contentment

my breath creates clarity
as each ripple of the water
chants against my body

the journey is the destination
the journey is the lesson
the journey is my home

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

finding my way home...

rain taps on the window...my coldness sinks to the bone...i miss arms around me...i navigate this night alone...it traps me in my mind...it seeks to unhinge my heart...it snarls and snatchs at me...it wants to bury me in the dark...but this is where i stop and pray...hold myself...rock myself to sleep...a soft lullaby hums...a nest is built...i am inside...i am safe...i am held by unseen arms...cradled and held so lovingly...i know i am worthy...i know my heart is not jaded and closed...i know i will not be nesting alone...starlight is all around me...flooding me with hope...drying up all the tears that fall...reaching to touch my face...a sky of stars smile upon me...i feel this amazing grace...i am loved and all is well...i will survive this moment and dream my peace-filled dream...

brian

my brother brian would have been 48 today but he only made it to 17...and yet he is in every one of my days...i can hear his laughter...it shook his whole body... and how his eyes would always fill to the brim with tears before spilling down his freckled cheeks...i remember his hands...they looked like mine...i remember his elfish ways and the bounce of his walk up a dirt road...his long eyelashes...the "biscuit" butt he was teased about...i remember his quick run and his green rubber boots...i remember his bravery of taking two shots of insulin a day...i remember his quiet moments when he didnt feel well...i remember his clothes because we use to share them...i miss him and always see him with his arms spread wide to give a big bear hug...and the love lives on and in me and in everyone he knew...i so love his beautiful spirit and am grateful for having him around me...hugging me...helping me get to the light and the love even when i dont feel it at times...i am so blessed to have been born his big sister...i miss you bri bri...  

Monday, November 21, 2011

when she dreams of the rainforest


one of my acrylic on canvas paintings

a shell of one's own


some days i wake up feeling like i just need a shell over me...to protect me and to hide out...as if i show so much of myself and who i am is too far out there for people to relate to...this morning is like that...i am tired and need to do so much and yet all i want to do is curl up in some safe nest and just be with myself...center...find my footing and walk out into it all again...but there is no time for this...instead i will take a few minutes and say my prayers, meditate on loving kindness and then take on my to do list...it is a grey monday with the sun so far away...the crows and seagulls are loud this morning...it is cold here and my feet keep telling me this...i feel tender towards myself and will hug myself often today...encourage myself...let this little human know in her is a great spirit of love and all is well...all is as it should be...i am grateful to know this...i will continue to place my trust in the knowing...and i will love myself and others better...may we all have abundant peace today and feel the infinite flow of love...

Sunday, November 20, 2011

she is of the earth...



she is of the earth...moving along in silence...hooded...
serpentine in her thoughts...
weaving in and out of her knowing...
becoming fuller to herself...
emerging from the woods
with eyes shining golden like birch leaves...




Saturday, November 19, 2011

love is the answer to everything...





one of my favorite thoughts is "love is the answer to everything"...it sings through my heart often...when i feel grumpy or get off track into wrongful thinking those words leap up...when i am tired and feel a little down they tickle me and make me smile...they play like wind chimes in my soul...they are as wide as a sky of clouds and yet can be found in the breath of a baby sleeping...i am so grateful to love and be loved...it is the marrow of life...it is the greatest part of our human experience here on this miracle of a planet...may we all love better with each day...


Friday, November 18, 2011

IZallG00D


i think i became an adult the first time i bought toilet paper for myself...yep that was the marker...and this was also the year the boss chewed me out for a screw up and maybe this was when i started caring what people thought of my "job performance" and my "life performance"...when life began to suck and not in a good way...working long hours and go go go...sour grape relationships shrivelling on the vine...did you hear that!?...that deep voice of authority?...be an adult and act accordingly"...meaning step into the rat race we call the mainstream and be a good worker drone...but then the older and wiser me is saying no way girl...dont listen to the sour grapers and bossy monkeys...why did you ever give a rats arse what any of them thought...where did it get you?...are these people in your life even...no...duh...

so i gave myself an awesome freakin present today...i am done buying toilet paper...well figuratively...though if i asked for toilet paper for the holiday gift giving maybe my stocking would be stuffed full and i could shop for it much less...tangent...so here is the thing...i am a grown up but outside the box...i may not please you but i rock my own world...you may not get me but i dig me...shake a finger at me and i may just pull it...then you will have to deliver on your sh*# talk...oh and you know with the whole job/life performance thingy...i got it going on where it counts and that is a whole other kind of performance...so no worries sour grapers...i will leave you alone...trust me...i am a whole different fruit growing succulent in the sun...

happy maple sending love and happiness

(click on images to make them larger)

tickling the oak leaf

playing hide and seek in the clover

a smile of colors

a dance of watercolor

waiting to kiss the clovers

the rapture of red, sunlight fed

red vibes sending waves of love and happiness 

can you hear them singing?

the soul of a tree shining brightly

and as the soul of the tree shines, i am made brighter too...

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

a mermaid writes a love poem...


i am the ecstatic dance of ocean against land...i am the poetry of water speaking in tongues...i am the reaching for you...i am the washing over you...the baptism of you into me...i am the mystery beneath the surface...sandcastles swoon and fall at my touch...seagulls worship me...the moon and sun rest upon me...stars kiss their light over me...so simply wade in...be braver than you have ever been...crash into me...run and leap and risk your life...i will hold you up...i will keep you safe...salty kisses and joy-charged tears await...the dolphins laughter will fill your ears...the whale song will heal your injured heart...i will give you a pearl ring and place a coral crown upon your head..and each new place we come ashore will be our home...for no matter where we are we are at home within each other... 

yes and yes and yes

yes...yes to me...yes to my life...yes to my ways...yes to the beat of my heart...yes to my strong hands...yes to my smiling eyes...yes to my free spirit...yes to the spark in the darkness...yes to the dance...yes to the good vibe...yes to standing firm...yes to the wait for the thoughts to evolve...yes to the sleep of peace...yes to the climb into the tree...yes to the dream...yes to the home i fly into...yes to the otherworld...yes to the wonderworld...yes to the sigh...to the sigh...to the sigh...yes to the me under my skin...yes to the wild wind...to the wild wind...to the wild wind blowing across the tree tops...yes to the stars reaching across to touch me...yes to the starlights flickering in the night...yes to the yes i feel in the way i feel...yes to love...to love...to love...to loving without holding but knowing...yes to having but not having...yes to love untwisted...yes to purity and to the refuge of my nest...yes to my happiness...yes to the brave warrior who runs towards her fears...yes to the yes of everything good and kind and gentle...yes to living in spirit...yes to laughter...yes to joy...yes to me...

arise fair sun...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Wildly Into the Night

Night comes in the screams of a reckless wind--

Gasping over the land, shouting at my door, calling my soul out.

The reeds lining the cove groan and snatch at the air.

Like lashing sails, the waves tear free and smash against the rocks.

The wind tosses a bird caught in the cold breath of darkness.

Its body collapses, but a feather breaks free to finish the journey home.



My mind frames the memory of my great-grandmother standing in a storm--

Swallowing the wind, eyes filled with rain water, laughing at the sky.

I will endure my storm. I will stand in my wildness. I will survive this night.

a journey into the pain of my gallbladder attack

my side is on fire...a snake of pain crashing thru me...reaching up my throat and down into my leg...it is dark crimson and angry...it bites hard and turns the venom loose in me...the bloodstream carrying it into every corner of my body...every cell...and yet i see the snake and walk to it...are you my guide?...and it hisses against my mind...yesssssss...what do you have to teach me? what do i need to know?...and it smiles and sinks its fangs in again...and i grow weaker...hands are cold...eyes roll back...breath comes in pants...i am fading...my body falls away...i am in blackness...and i hear voices laughing...i hear voices that begin to pull me to them...they are happy people but i am not a person...i cant laugh with them...they dont know i am there...they are sitting down to thanksgiving...i feel hungry but i have no form...i am starving as they feast...

i hear another group and it is a birthday party and i see the mother hugging her children...i see the children playing...i want to be there and i am not...i am nowhere...

i am in a room of people and they are singing and trading gifts and telling stories...i want to give a gift and be a part of them but i am formless and can only feel and see...

and then i am back to the snake of pain...the crowding pain of this guide who still is hurting me...i feel the burning venom jolting and pulsing thru me...i feel the loneliness and desperation of this pain...i need to vomit and cant...i need to release this and yet it stays...

it bites down again...i am dizzy...my ears buzz...i cant move...it hisses at me and grows more intense within me...it tells me i want this...the pain stabs at my side and then it says i am poisoning myself...i am holding in the poison and releasing it into me...that i hold back words and actions and am making myself sick...my fears are destroying me...and then the snake turns into rope and is choking me...i am clawing at it weakly...giving up...and it asks me "do you want to die?"....and i say no...it says "do you want more from this life than you ration for yourself?"...and i said with tears coming "yes"...

it releases me and turns into a swan...it takes me up and carries me over a lake...places me on a warm sandy shore...strokes my forehead with its soft feathers...i feel loved...i feel myself...i look up at the brown eyes of the swan....she is kind...how can this be the same snake? the swan reads my thoughts and answers...she told me she becomes what i allow her to become...and so i understand...

i held back how i thought and felt and it made me sick...i expressed to her what i thought when she asked me questions and i felt better...and so i will go thru this day saying how i feel and if something bothers me i will not hold it in but talk about it or at least look at it within myself instead of just shoving it down and turning it in to poison...

~~~*~~~

later...and so i said how i felt about a painful subject a few minutes after this journey...my side was hurting and it was building into a gallbladder attack but once i said it the pain started releasing...i cried and it let go more...it was not easy to keep at it...to not hide the hurt but to show it and to even allow my hurt to turn to anger for a brief time...but in the end i came up with a solution to how i deal with the hurt and am standing up for my feelings and my perception of things...i dont want to just settle for crumbs in my life or to be treated like i am this person i am not...i am a good and kind person and deserve to be recognized as one...i deserve respect and to be trusted...i will not take into me what i am not nor will i hold my head down and accept a wrong judgement...i have self respect now and am walking through my days with self love and dignity...

Monday, November 14, 2011

streaming...

i am more than a cage of bones...more than a collection of cells...i am beyond your eyes...beyond my day to day...beyond the nuts and bolts...outside the box and ahead of the parade...i am found in the stuff of stars...in the big bang YES...i am all at once and at the same instant never at all...i am the fire in the belly of the earth...i am the cold breath of a fallen soldier...i am the thin notes of an owl in the distance...i am the scream of a motherless infant ...i am the stone trapped in the wheel...i am the dance of feathers from a clean shot...i am the polluted mouth of a bigot...i am the undressing woman in the dark...i am the whispered french pressed against your heart...i am the broken hand of a fist to a mouth...i am the whistle of wind through a busted window pane...i am the lost doll washed into the gutter...i am the last firings of the poet's brain...i am the spark of inspiration a painter has at midnight...i am the first kiss you give me too many days from now to guess...i am the roar of snow ripping at a worn coat...i am the curl of a child's hand in her daddy's fat paw...i am the laughter of a crazy as she gazelle leaps through the mall...i am the drunk's tears rolling down his clenched face...i am the old dog's slow rise to meet the sun's warm spot on the front porch...i am the i love you that echoes through the hills as someone shouts it to herself...i am the me you dont see in everything tonight...i am the me you look away from tonight...i am the me you push aside tonight...i am the me i hold tonight...i am the me i love tonight...i am the me i have to be tonight...i love myself tonight...i am loved in the night...i am loving me tonight...i am me and you dont know me tonight...i am alone tonight...i am free tonight...i am shedding my cage of bones tonight...i am flying high tonight...i am at home in this world of everything tonight... i am even in you tonight....

i am happiness


the john butler trio
 performing "ocean"
(this song is for all of you...happy day!)


so this is what i know this morning:
1.  i am profoundly grateful for everyone who loves me and who has respected me and who has held me up in times when i could not hold myself up....i love you all madly!

2.  i am blessed to have a deepening sense of my own soul's existence...i can feel it within me...the debri field of self doubts and unworthiness are clearing away more and more... giving my soul an easier path to reach out to others...to share the stream of love that Spirit has to offer...i am so thankful for this...i am so much more peaceful these days and my heart has been made even more tender...though i know there is more work to do i am happy to feel so much love flowing...

3.  i absolutely know all my prayers are heard and answered and this is exciting to know...i am cared about so very much by the Spirit who created me...i am never alone...

4.  i know i am exactly where i need to be...experiencing exactly what i need to experience to enrich my life...learn my lessons...and love better...

5.  i am excited to wake up...to navigate my day with a sense of ease i have not experienced in such a long time...

6.  i am in love with the world and all her expressions of the divine...from the tiniest red maple leaf upon the ground fading...which reaches up to me with her lovely shape and color...to the ocean wave that has spent its whole life making its way to the shore...and as this wave washes over my feet i feel a soul deep kiss from the ocean...i am made a part of the ocean of loving kindness which constantly washes over my soul...

7.  i know when i am afraid i can pray and the fear will be removed as quickly as it came into me...and if it keeps coming back i now have the wisdom to look at my fear rationally and diagnose its cause and remove it permanently...

8.  i am aware of the great sufferings of others...at the moment the suffering touches my soul i can send love and peace to the person or event...if it is not received then i will accept this and simply pray for their peace during their suffering...we all suffer...we all face challenges...but i know suffering within your challenges is optional...you can face what is causing you pain with an avalanche of love...you can sweep over it with so much love that it will not harm you and you may even remove it from your life completely...and if the challenge does remain you can make a friend of it and treat it with compassion...you can use your own suffering to help others and transform your suffering even more profoundly...i have suffered in my life and am blessed to have deep empathy and compassion for all my brothers and sisters who suffer...

9.  this morning i woke up with such a happiness still shining from me...it shines as much as the sun shines and then some...and this happiness comes from trust...i trust again...i trust those who love me...i trust my creator...i trust my own mind and how i perceive things...i trust my actions...i trust the love i feel for others...that it will not do more harm than good...for the love i feel is not selfish...it no longer comes with conditions...it is not anchored in my own wants and desires...i am happy to love in this greater way...it is at once intimate and yet wraps around the world countless times...

10.  i miss those who are no longer with me but can now reach back and pull up a memory without the sorrow of the loss and i can remember the laughter and the love and the sparkle in each one of their beautiful eyes...i can remember their good hands and kind hearts...and i love them so dearly...

11.   i am forgiven...i am forgiven by myself and by my creator...i am forgiven for my wrong actions and have learned from them...i dont need to hold onto guilt any more.. i let go of this self abuse i used so cruelly against my own life...

12.  and at last but not with the least amount of awe and gratitude i am thankful i am alive and have this day to live...with love and joy and abundant peace...


Sunday, November 13, 2011

warm thoughts


thinking warm thoughts on this lovely grey day

i dreamed of ireland


last night i fell hard into sleep...i was in a cold place...a lonely place...there was wind and the hurling of my body across a dark starless sky...but gently i floated down...and my feet touched the shores of ireland...i love it there...have been there many times...at a moment when i need her most ireland brings me home to her...she tells me things and shows me things...the mist...the green...the ancient bits and pieces of who i was...who i am...who i will become...and so it was last night...

ireland is working loose the last parts of the burdens i chose to carry...she showed me how easy it is to surrender them...as easy as letting go of the weight upon my heart...to see it transform into feathers which are blown away...and so today i surrender...

and then this glorious teacher taught me how easy it is to be love...to accept it from others and to give it as well...she showed me a large oak that has cradled another in its large outcropping of roots...how it has grown to one side to make room for the other...and so it is what we do in life...we make room for more and more love...

and i have an ever expanding room for love to come in and to be returned with the same kindness...today i hope for everyone a more loving day...and to be a better lover to others...

Saturday, November 12, 2011

happy day


even the smallest feather on the beach can sing out with such loveliness...so imagine what kind of happy song you can sing today!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Loving Words to My Sisters

The flower ruffles and curves...dips into velvet pockets of scented pleasure. My nose inches in... touching the softness of Nature's Soul. I am in the Feminine World.

Here in the lush green and vibrant colors of this womanly place, the Mother takes me and nurtures me. She fills me with rest...baptizes my being with calming thoughts. I walk with her. She reveals to me my essence. I feel the expansion. There is the matrix of my consciousness, the power of my rational mind, the strength of my body, the endless possibilities of Life. There is the glorious, boundless flow of Spirit…every cell in my form a creature of aliveness, every acre of my soul fertile, all of the Universe streaming through my being. I am all the way alive.

The Mother teaches me that fear is a parasite which devours Hope. It weakens Love. It defeats Life. I have choices to make…a path to clear…a way of Life to live. She gives me my heritage. I am of her clan. We women are all of the same clan...learning to live fearless again, learning to reclaim our world. Embracing our ways again...enslaved by no other sister's twisted thoughts...opening to our sisters who are their to empower each other. Free within ourselves, transforming this planet...bringing back The Mother who dwells in all of us.

And do you hear her? She tells me to cook with love, grow food empowered for well being, walk gently but firmly through my day, sing my prayers, be in nature often, lift my eyes to the sky for signs, breath deeply and sigh, greet all with kindness, be aware of messages animals bring...track the prints left to see where they will take me, open up my heart and shine the compassion brightly, love well and without the fear of being seen as less than, take action when needed but with the wise guidance of Spirit, know my worth and conduct myself with the dignity this great Self worth deserves, be honest, do not hide out...be genuine and true to the core values we all share...and above all else know that I am loved madly and deeply and adoringly by my Creator...

And in my heart this morning know I love all my sisters in all the different expressions of your Divine Self. I love how you reach for the better parts of yourself and offer them up. I love you through your fears as you approach them. I love you as you stumble and get back up more determined. I love you as you learn to ask for help when the burdens of your day becomes too heavy. I love your laughter and your wit in the face of what should lack humor and joy. I love your kindness in even the smallest of gestures...such as a hand placed gently on my arm as you speak. I love your dance of smiles and the cadence of your wise words. I love your passion to get to the truth and use your voice to speak yours. I love your integrity. I love your honestly. I love your grace and vulnerability in the face of illness. I love the strength of your shoulders as you deal with hardship. I love your deep, full well of compassion as it flows out to a world of suffering. I love your words of good cheer and your words of sorrow shared. I love your presence on this planet. I love knowing you. I love even the hint of you along the edges of my day. I simply and yet profoundly love you.


And to those sisters who struggle in their blinding pain of suffering and are twisting away from their true nature...I offer up my prayers of healing and hope for you...a rebirth, a self forgiveness, a recovery and renewal of Spirit. I love you.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

shapeshifting...




hands become talons...eyes sharpen.. heart dances faster...feathers find their way to my new contour...finely tuned hearing picks up on the windsong...the drive within me to fly lifts me up...to tear through the sky is my single thought...to the safe place of dreams and rest...to the stars dipping down to soothe me...to the sway of the lake waters against my hips as i reshape myself again...more spirit than human in this place...walking the path home...to my beloved nest... 

a wee Once Upon A Time lesbian love story

Fiona leaped up onto the big rock as if she were QUEEN OF THE BEACH…hands on hips and a mock ha-haha laugh to boot. Her pretend cape of a beach towel was snapping in the breeze.

“OUCH! You are standing on my hair!’ a beautiful, ocean-wet woman shouted.

“What the!?” Fiona leaped back, lost her balance and went tumbling the two feet off her rock perch.

Rising above Fiona was a dazzling woman. Her long, dark hair shimmered with wet curls. Her eyes sparkled like the dreamlike greenish blue Caribbean waters. She now stood on the same rock Fiona had pounced up on. Oh, and did i mention she was breathtakingly naked?

“Lovely,” Fiona said before she recovered and took her beach towel cape off to offer to the woman…or not.  Unwilling to take any blame, she retorted, “If I KNEW someone would be draping their hair on a rock I was leaping onto, I’d have not stepped on their mane. But how was I to know. Who does that!”

“I was drying my hair—a very normal thing to do. Haven’t you seen it done? The rocks are warm and perfect for…nevermind.” The woman suddenly gave up and leaped off the rock, back to her side and began gathering her bundle of things…at last remembering to pull on her sundress.

“OK! I’m sorry! Wait!” Fiona tagged behind this delicious woman. “One should always look before she leaps. I’m sorry.”

“Lovely,” the woman whipped around and said to Fiona. Those eyes dancing with a mischievous glint.

“Uh, yes…I know you are.” Fiona said as she felt the foolish blush cover her face.

“I know, too! But how did you?”

“Know?” Fiona was puzzled into little pieces.

“Come on,” the woman said and started running up the beach. “It’s almost happy hour. You are going to buy me a drink, aren’t you?” She ran with such pleasure to be doing so-- as if part of her body was swimming through the air, yet her legs were slightly awkward and clumsy in the clutches of sand.

Fiona put her cape back on and flew after her.

~~~*~~~

The Cave was two blocks away, nine majickal steps down and through a big rusty hinged lavender painted door.

The BOOM of sound hit them both as they rushed in…music and laughter and drinks and two women arm wrestling…another woman enjoying her girlfriend in a mellow corner. Happy Hour really never ends at The Cave.

Fiona leaped up onto a bar stool and ordered a Paulie.

 “What will you be having? “ Stoney gave her sexiest grin from behind the bar.

“Paulie.” other woman parroted.

“Two Paulie Girls, for one sweet girl and one girl who owes me ten bucks!” Stoney said, play punching Fiona in the arm.

“Got it and then some. Pay day is turning into pay everybody back day!” Both women laughed at that, but the new arrival to The Cave was busy taking in the sights.

Fiona clicked her beer against the other woman’s and introduced herself. “Fiona is my name…short order cook at the local greasy spoon by day and pirate by night. And you?”

“Lovely.”

“Yesss, you are but what is your name?”

“My…name…is…Lovely.”

Fiona sat there and just smiled…captured in the net of Lovely’s eyes. She put away her fighting ‘tude and reached out her hand. Lovely took it and they froze time for a long moment. Eyes met and there it was…the soft yes that enters the air between two women who connect. Yes…to wonder and magick and any happiness that can be had.

Lovely kissed the palm of Fiona’s hand. Fiona smiled and her face lit up with the light of a thousand candles. “It is beautiful to meet you, Lovely,” Fiona whispered softly and led her heart’s twin to the dance floor.

~~~*~~~

Lovely wasn’t an easy catch. She disappeared that first night. She left a little note sticking out of Fiona's beer bottle which read: Meet me at the rock, same time tomorrow. Lovely

They met night after night, with hours of dancing but very few words exchanged. Lovely simply could not get enough dancing. Then there were the long kisses and the soft embraces.

Fiona didn’t question. She wanted to just be there in it. The little notes always said to meet Lovely the next evening. Fiona had decided on the six night to ask for more, say more, give more. But before she could speak to Lovely about anything, the mysterious woman disappeared earlier than usual.

Fiona looked for her note but it wasn’t stuck in her bottle. Instead Stoney waved an envelope around like a fishing lure calling her to it. "I guess this is for your eyes only," Stoney teased her as she dropped it on the bar top.

Fiona,


I regret this more than any words I have ever said to anyone. I won’t be at the rock tomorrow or ever again. I know you have had questions you have not asked and I could not tell you. But this was only a holiday for me. I have my work. It is so important.

You see, nets break loose from boats offshore and it is my job and my honor to rescue any of my brother and sister creatures from the tangle of that frightening confusion they are snared in. Many dolphins drown in the nets. Seals and others lose their lives, too. I make a difference to them Fiona. How can I live with myself if I leave them to suffer and die?

Even this short holiday with you was difficult to manage. But you climbed into my heart, and I stayed longer than I should have.

My Darling Fiona, I am needed there. I know I would never be able to leave you if I continue this, so I must go and never return.

You will dance with me always. And though I never gave my body to you, for I know I surely would have never left, you have my heart with you…and my love.

Yours for All of Time,

Lovely


Fiona was stunned and then frightened for Lovely. It has to be dangerous--to cut away netting while sea creatures are in them? What if she got tangled up, too? Who was helping her? Fiona walked down by the water. She stood at the rock, running her hand over the place she first stood upon her Lovely’s hair. No trace of her. Gone. She was so afraid and hurt at the same time. She sat by the rock. The sun slowly moved through the sky. Evening came. A full moon was climbing above the water.

And then she felt it--that old itch. That shift from within. Her grandmother recognized it in her and gave her the talk one night. It skips a generation once it is in the bloodline. Her grandmother could shift but not Fiona's mother. Fiona could but rarely let herself. Tonight she would transform.

~~~*~~~


Fiona was a mile off shore swimming fast…racing about the surface looking for a salvage boat of some sort. Finally she came to it…a sad little fishing boat with patches and a poorly done paint job. Damaged netting was in the boat. Her happiness leaped up. She shouted, “Lovely!?” No answer. Lovely must be diving, she thought.

Fiona sailed her body quickly through the water. There, below, she saw the wave of dark hair. Closer and then the tail…the shimmering scales. Lovely…a mermaid!

She was busy cutting free a sea turtle, while two other mermaids supported the gentle giant. Free, the turtle struggled. So it was taken away to be nursed back to health. Lovely felt a peace she only knew when near Fiona. Impossible and yet….she turned. And there was Fiona, floating in the water…tail swaying and scales shimmering. A mermaid? Fiona? She raced to her and embraced. They twirled and kissed and held each other as they drifted to the surface. Eyes met full of such wonder and delight.

“You? A mermaid? But you stay on land and work and you…” Lovely laughed and grabbed Fiona and held her tightly.

“I’m a…well, a part-time mermaid,” Fiona said. “My great-great grandmother was a mermaid who loved a human. It skips a generation. It is with me. I can think it and be it for a short time.” And she felt the short time coming to an end. Lovely helped Fiona aboard the boat. Then pulled herself in after her and shed her scales as Fiona did the same.

Hands traveled over each others naked bodies. Lips found wonderful places to kiss. The moonlit ocean sung them a gentle song as they made love and began their happily ever after together…forever…

~~~*~~~


Wednesday, November 9, 2011

drawing near...


in the sky of the sand i draw the moon down...
the star eggs shimmering...
the string of my happiness spiraling into the infinity of Yes... 

2 bees or not 2 bees...

this first bee made a long trail thru the wet sand...
working very hard to free itself from the wet soup it was in... 


the shell acted as a great island to climb upon to rest and dry her wings


this was the moment of her freedom as she dried her wings and readied herself for flight...

this second bee was nowhere near an island to climb upon
so i scooped her up on a bit of shell

and set her down on a rock...
shortly she fluttered her wings dry and took off again as well

fowl weather