when i did touch drawing this week i did a drawing series that keeps coming back to me...actually i did 3 sessions that day and each one got closer to the core issues of: trust, self love and how others treat me...
how i am treated by others has upset my balance for years...not really respected or seen as a whole person by others and so i am treated unfairly or used...the lack of self love allows for mistreatment and also pulls me down into a dark place...and the love of another coming to me twisted is an overwhelmingly difficult thing to endure...
love has often come to me twisted or censored or rationed...i dont like it...but i made it easy on others to withhold...i always made it easy but not now...i am seeing an amazing pattern to this dysfunction...i have to laugh at it really...i handed my heart to others and got it beaten on like a pinata...no candy left inside at one point recently...so my heart chakra needed to be worked on...full of good candy now!...lots of love and kindness and self love and self respect...but i have to learn to reach for it...i didnt know i could keep my heart and yet share space in it...isnt that cool?!...to know i can love others and love them deeply but not give up all of myself to do it...and to not need or want a thing in return...oh not saying flowers and candlelight wouldnt be nice...i am crazy about that stuff...but at the same time i simply love myself and dont want to feel this longing and desire for it any more...to want love returned to me is not important...wow to know and feel this!.... it is so incredibly moving...truly is exciting to know...to love others and just love them...gives me such peace to be in this new place in myself...centered...at rest in a very beautiful and tranquil garden of loving others...
trust...trusting is a simple but profound act of faith...faith in myself more than anything...and faith in the pure light of love...it is the greatest spirit guide one could ever have...love guides me and will never take me to a dark place or anywhere filled with pain...love is the great healer and so i accept the healing...i am so darned blessed!...and excited...and...and....loved...
i really do feel loved...not as the potential me...or if i only could improve these things to be loved...but loved as i am...i feel so excited by this new path and all these wonderful possibilities...i love my life...my friends...my family...nature...oh heck i love everything...
happy day everything and everyone...lets love big today!
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