Thursday, January 10, 2013

journey into the art cave...

what a blast i had in my journey this morning...basically my shaman-self guide let me have a creative meltdown in the cave i have been going to ....got to splash way cool colors onto the walls and rocks....covering myself as i had at it...i sang and howled and danced and just cut loose all the weight of things tangling me up for years...was awesome!

i shouted out all those stupid words i have been called or that have been used to describe me...hearing them echo back...merge and blend and become this string of silliness...the words: whore useless intense damaged fat unlovable weird dyke psychotic freak...and more...all of them from all the times in my life where mostly women have flipped out on me...spewing pathetic words...and i took it without throwing words back...i took those words in...all those words swirled and snaked together...twisting and tangling...but in the cave i laughed and the venom in the words became soapy bubbles...i popped them...the echo ran them all together and i howled suddenly....this great howl came up in me as i faced these rolling words....i howled in a powerful way...from the deepest place in me...i howled back at the women who used those words and at the words themselves...words have energy but i had greater and more powerful energy in my howl...and those words didnt stand a chance...

(by the way i suggest it for you too...howl at all that crap in you...howl at all those names you have been called...go out in a car or the woods or in your house...wherever...and howl!...pull those words up and howl them into shreds!...get them out of you..they never deserved to live in you in the first place...they were other peoples poison to carry...and when someone calls you a name again...well use that howling wolf energy to stop them...you deserve to be spoken to with respect and not idiot words from ignorant mouths!)

so i got my freak on and played until i could not fling one more bucket of paint or dance one more step...it was just what i needed..i feel my mojo is back...i feel my vitality is back...my courage rising...the adventuress critter i am emerging from her hibernation...

still dont know exactly what i am going to be doing in the spring...but this time here in winter is about art and writing and hatching some good plans...it is about me...as it should be:)...at last...i love my solitude and i love my creativity and i love how i am so much of a warrior who can fight for her own life and win! no matter what the challenges are i can howl...i can stand up strong...i can be fierce and not take on anyone elses poison any more...

the amazing line i wrote in deep purple on the colorful cave wall is something i live now...
the negative energy others send you is marked return to sender
i think this is wicked cool...not only to know but to do! all you lovers of fear keep holding on to your fears if you want...it is a shame but oh well...for me i am done with my fears...and this lover of love is thrilled to stand in my art cave and know i am free...always have been...i just bought into the idea i had to step into prison cells with others...


 

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