Tuesday, January 8, 2013

in my cave seeing great things...

my spiritual retreat is nearing an end...i have just a few more days of self imposed isolation...i must say it has been much needed...the solitude...not having so much assault my senses...keeping it all simple...not doing the dishes at times or even leaving the apartment for days...it has allowed me to sit quietly with my thoughts...ask deep questions...look into dark corners...open my heart more...untangle knots of frustration and hurt...heal wounds....embrace the small sweet seeds of new dreams i will soon plant...

i am painting and exploring some images...writing stories and getting to know characters who want to tell their stories...

the journey work has given me so much...showing me how to navigate these new times and what i am to do with the winter season and beyond...my prayers and meditations are helping give me strength and expanding my soul's presence into my days and nights...

dreams are forming around themes i still struggle with...dreaming brings great moments of clarity...

i have changed in many ways in such a short time...but this happens when you are outside of time and can do the long work there...what would have taken years has come in weeks...it is remarkable when i think of it from inside time...yet in the journey world of dealing with themes and patterns it is all timeless...it is easy to line up the lessons and receive them...

some beliefs have fallen away...some people are gone from my life...some things i use to do for self protection i dont do anymore for they are....hmmm...their "use by" date has expired...

words to encompass all this work falls short...and i am still working on some of it...but i am happy and becoming grounded in a way that is crone-like i think...or as if i had an owl spirit on my shoulder all the time...i certainly have a wonderful crazy fun angelic guardian who watches out for me and cheerleads me...s/he is teaching me how to laugh again and loosen up...

my apartment has become the perfect cave for a few weeks now...and for a wee longer still i will paint and do the work on myself i need to finish...but today i am napping and letting myself take a painting break...then more at some point i suppose as the sun goes down and i am reinvigorated by the nap...

i so needed this time to listen to myself and get reacquainted with parts of myself i buried many years ago...i thought i had lost myself after this past year...too old to revisit some dreams and create new ones...but i think i was having my energy drained by some things...now it is coming back and i am much relieved...and for the first time in i dont know how long i have not had my typical winter depression cycle...that is incredible...now i get to have the fun and enjoyment of figuring out what i want to do...i already have the childlike excitement in knowing i can do anything i want to do...

it is all wicked cool!



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