time

i have a watch i sometimes wear...i dont wind it...the time staying frozen on the watch's face...it is a reminder...a reminder to me of someone i love whos time came to an end in their human form...

i think of time...i often hear people say they dont have time...i would like to take your class but i dont have any time this week...i am so busy--where does the time go...i dont have time for this...time is going by so fast...

so many folks seem to be speaking of the lack of time lately...and i found myself speeding up and shoving in more into my days and yet missing out on the things i really want to do...i was doing things i felt obligated to do...pressured into doing to earn money...locked into doing for others...and then this week something more has happened to me as i am going through this revolutionary change of surrender...i have time...

i have time to sleep...i have time to sit and rest...i have time to write...to paint...to stop and watch a duck play in the water...i have time to talk to someone...i have time to do mundane tasks...i have time to connect with my higher self...time to meditate and pray...

it was when i started letting things creep in on me i dont want to do i realized time was speeding up...when i started approaching a task i didnt want to do i felt my energy drain...the phrases "i should" or "i have to" came up...then i started thinking i have to motivate and do it...i have bills to pay and responsibilities...but then the things i was lining up to do have been unsuccessful...they simply occupy me and keep me from achieving what i want to achieve...and with the enjoyment in doing what i want...i have been trapped in a silly loop of try and try and try while time is gobbling me up...

self sabotage...ding ding ding...the alarm went off...

time...busy time...keeping busy with something is just another form of avoidance...and i dont want to avoid life or experiences i want to enjoy...i want to rid myself of struggle and strife after all...i want time...and i have time...and how can you ever be too busy to do what is important...unless you are avoiding...

avoiding who you dont want to interact with...avoiding an environment not comfortable...avoiding change...avoiding happiness even...and so now i wake and think "how do i want to spend my time?"...some folks lock themselves into jobs they hate or relationships or the wrong place to live...

there is the root cause(s) but the first warning bell in your life should be the one going off when you say "i dont have the time"...you do have the time to do what you want to do...but do you have the courage? the passion? the permission you give yourself to spend your time the way you want?

think of someone who is gone from their body now...do you think if they stepped back into life today they would ever say "i dont have time"...or do you think they would be brave and bold and create the life they wanted all along but thought they couldnt do it for one reason or another...

you....you have the time...and it is now...how are you going to spend it? what are you going to embrace and do...what are you going to let go of...take the time...its yours after all...