Thursday, May 31, 2012

pony woman finds me...

wanted to do a journey on my relationship to money and my rejection of money...but...my journey guide had other plans....

i went into a deep forest and into the hollow of a standing tree...i stood there and then without warning the ground opened and i was swallowed up...in a series of caves...and there was a cave bear woman and a pony by her side...she handed me charcoal and pointed to the wall...

i wrote what must i do to have a better relationship with money ...

she took the charcoal and crossed out money...writing in women...

what  must i do to have a better relationship with women i read aloud...

and the cave was filled with laughter...

women laughing at me...and their thoughts...and their lack of respect all came blasting at me...and i thought well this is just my ego trying to make me feel less than again...but the faces of women i have cared for danced in front of me...and i knew their thoughts...how they see me as one way but not how i see myself...and then the chant "be yourself...be yourself...be yourself"...and laughter again...

i really didnt like any of this...i felt taunted and teased and made fun of...and it made me angry...i wanted them to shut up...

to be away from them i ran deeper in the cave and hid behind a boulder and cried...releasing the anger and replacing it with self love and acceptance...

and i felt more at peace...

and then cave bear woman brought me the pony and gave it to me...and the pony led me out of the cave...away from the taunting...

outside was a waterfall and i led the pony there...giving it a drink and some soft grass i pulled up...it smiled at me and then transformed into a woman...a pony woman from the pony tribe...i felt so happy as she embraced me...i had not accepted the judgement and unkindness of these women in the caves...and the cave bear woman led my love to me...

and so it is...

a different journey than i wanted...but a journey i needed to experience for this hour after picking up on negative vibes in the air long distance directed at me...i reject them...i am a loving woman who is worth having someone loving in my life...

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