owl teaching

this beautiful owl came to me on my birthday...along a country road in conneticut...back then i wondered what she was looking at in the trees across from her...but another part of me knew i was not ready to see all of what the owl sees...this owl asked alot of me that day and in the weeks since...every day i have showed up for my teachings...surrendering to what has been asked of me...there was a day i didnt want to show up for any of it but i knew how important it was to be there and sit and surrender...

i went to maine on a personal retreat to reach into myself deeper...owl was with me...

last night i opened myself up completely to prayer and a journey to the owl and let myself see as the owl...what i was shown was difficult but i accept it...i was taken back through this year...the unhappy times and the great struggle to learn to be alone...the self doubt...the loneliness...the simple day to day of learning to live single again...the reconnection to myself...

in my journey owl took me to a woodland and placed it all before me...all my right and wrong actions of this year...all my poor choices and good ones...i had to look at others and how they treated me well and not well...it was difficult to sit with...yet scenes were replayed and i looked...

i have changed in many ways since the beginning of this year...the person i was is not the person i am...though some may still see me as i was (depressed and needy) and treat me in kind...i know i have changed...more self assured...with self respect and immense love and caring for myself...owl was there encouraging me to embrace the happiness of this...and a great part of me is very happy...

the owl gave me a list of things to do...some will be easy...others i dont want to go through or do but will...it will be for my best and highest good...this i already know...

one lesson owl showed me was one of easy flight...to have both wngs working on each side of myself carries me through my days with ease...both sides of me balanced...with no balance i will not fly...and without flight there is no hunting and feasting...

so much came to me last night...those deep places unearthed and so raw i cant share them...

there has been immense disappointment in others lately...and yet other folks have been continually kind and decent...i am left with the urge to hide out and stay alone again...but that is a horrible spiral i dont like...yet there it is...back to that same spot of not trusting others...feeling as if this time i will become jaded and enter into the world i see others live in...of isolation and twistedness...twisting away from my true nature and falling into a pattern of loneliness which would stretch out into the years...

but owl showed me i must go into places i am afraid to go in this world...be around others...trust even as i am screaming in my head to not trust...reach out...

now to the un-do list it has given me...it is a long one...

she showed me so much i feel like i am on overload this morning...not in a bad way but it is difficult to be in pain and still function on these inner and outer levels...yet here i am with such a good teacher and a gentle guide...here i am doing my best and feeling as if i am at peace with where i am...not jaded or selfish or discouraged...but ever hopeful it is working out as it needs to be to get me where i should be...i trust in this if nothing else...this holding pattern isnt easy...but i am patient and curious to see what is coming at me...it is good and kind and will benefit me...this i trust in...

owl and i sit and wait together for what is out there...soon we will see it and soon we will feast...