you know there are those certain songs or musicians who put you right smack dab back into your happy place...indigo girls does this for me...road trip crooners i use to call them...and i lovvvve road trips...singing in the car and finding greasy diners...blowing bubbles out the car window on a twisty back hills barely-a-road road!...
today i am doing a massive fall cleaning and letting myself let go...i mean let go!...i have been getting so uptight...not expressing anything that has wounded me and yet there it sits festering and making me sick...my body so much in pain again it almost landed me in the hospital...
this country is one big stinking mess of crazy folks...the big holiday feeding frenzy is coming...and the tipping point is getting ready to tip...it is all building...the perfect storm...i want my head on tight and i want my heart full...i want my soul ready and my mind rational but free of struggle...clear in my intentions and focus...not twisted into other folks dysfunctions...entities flung away from me the moment they pop up with their confusion...no room for polluted ways from myself or coming at me from others...
exciting times and challenging...saw it recently...in 3-D...everyones crazy stuff and saw my own...and an energy wanting all of us to fail...to be consumed by ego's smoke and mirrors...was powerful to watch a pack mentality form and tear down someone...or try to...dazzling really...for a feminist and a shaman to watch it all...to see the configuration and see it build and build and then the release...should i have laughed at it or cried...or just sit and let it wash over me...to let it wash over me but not let it in...so i wouldnt get washed away...to hear and let my rational mind deal with it...with an open heart...present...
now though i have spent time dealing with the wound of it...making me sick...infecting me...parts got in...but i am letting go today...in this quiet apartment...this living tomb...this silly "now" i have created for myself and dont enjoy....
in letting go the old tired crap will die and be fertilizer for my new ways...the ways which have been coming with dragonfly and owl and tree medicine...with drumming and prayers...with seeing my life and everything and everyone as sacred and worthy...that it isnt about creating a sacred space or circle but knowing everything is sacred and full of wonder...so why treat any moment with disregard or in a miserable manner...
i am getting it all the way in me...i have certainly let the bad stuff in long enough...now to allow the good to flood into me...i built a dam of earthly sorrow to keep the light from reaching in...today i pull the structure away and let the flood of light fill me to the brim...
its all good..now...
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