the trip to lubec maine seems so long ago now...but i am still thinking of the days walking alone in the woods and along the stretches of beach...eagles seals and seagulls all around me...a lone porcupine waddling across the road...a fox in the barrens...a kingfisher hovering over the lip of still lake...trees soaked to the bone...spider webs heavy with rain...rose hips full and inviting...pebbles tumbling in the tides...endless impressions...the cold nestled against me....countless moments of breathing in and out and hoping for calm to take hold...in mourning over what i thought i had with others but what real is...prayer and fasting...drumming and meditation...talking to strangers and eating pie in diners...seeing familiar folks and places...standing by the waters edge lost in a long trail of thoughts...tears welling up and sinking down into me...i have done my best and i have done my worst i said aloud...and still you have loved me god of everything...palms up...surrendering to the unseen...accepting my shortcomings...celebrating my ways...falling in love with myself finally...reaching out to the light beyond the grey day...saying no to the darkness...and loving...even when i wanted to be selfish and run away...hide out...build a fortress...instead i drifted into love...without distraction...alignment with the divine...walking gently on the mother...smiling as the fog crawled in over me and the world...at peace then...
tonight in this apartment i climb onto my futon...my wee boat of dreams...and let myself drift off into the vast ocean of love...with a ceiling of stars over me...i am happy...blessed be...
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