the monarch

been thinking about a monarch butterfly i came across yesterday...it isnt the one in this picture i took of another monarch in spring...the one yesterday was struggling in tall grass...i picked it up gently and let it rest in the palm of my hand...it was quieting its life...emptying out...

it was perfect...the wings not tattered...colors bright...it reminded me in that moment of the kites flying around me lately...a grand kite flying wise woman sailing into my life six weeks ago...a couple of days after i got out of the hospital...there she was...with stones and smiles...she saw into my soul...i trusted her easily...and then she flew away home yesterday...perhaps migrating back again someday...

and here was this monarch leaving as well...

there was a large grey rock in the shade nearby...i brought the monarch close to me and kissed its wings...gently...with a blessing...and gratitude...and love...leaving it there on the rock in the cool shade for the sun to come creeping over it in time...no picture snapped...no further intrusion...i felt like i should not stay...it needed simply to be...

yesterday was a challenging day...from beginning to end...i opened to lessons...some sailed easily...saying goodbye to my new friends as they returned home...other lessons fell hard into my heart but i was ok with it...i needed to understand...i do...and moments of light came...a friend cleaning her studio...another with her son for a quick moment...her wisdom landing with me and grounding me...and another with not only one hug but three to fill me up!

i struggle through my fatigue lately...i struggle with focus...i am not well at times...eating so little and am losing some weight...though i drink protein drinks and such...it will be okay i know...i am just very tired during different parts of my day and struggle to cook at times...i struggle with having the energy and yet let myself rest when i cant go on one more step...practicing shavasna and quieting myself into a peaceful state...i pulled over into a park yesterday and did it for 15 minutes...centering was hard but i did shed some tears and rested my mind body soul for a few of those precious minutes...i am so happy to have this in my life now...it makes sense to me...it is exactly in my life at the precise moment i need it...am open to it...but then everything is this way...i felt the fatigue of the monarch yesterday...even its wings weighing too heavy to move at the end for it  i sensed...

i reflect on the monarch today with deep appreciation...some monarchs migrate and some dont...some have a brief life and some go on for months...some travel great distances to live out their lives doing the same things one who stays put would do...all are the same in the end...wings slowing down...remembering flight but no longer able to lift its body...then...emptying out and flying on in spirit...

we...you and i...we are the same...emptying out in the end...and in the meantime struggling or not...less struggle i hope...for me i am allowing myself less struggle...choosing to be as the kite...as the monarch...as spirit...choosing to lift gently...choosing a peaceful landing...a quiet emptying out each day...and then at the end of life as well...

no fighting...no fuss...no judgement...no frustrations...no battles...just sunlight and starlight...flowers to sit with...breezes to dance with...being fully...singular...not being in the storm but finding shelter from the storms...relaxing into each day and letting go of each moment...moment to moment...letting go...my breath in and out are my wings lifting me up and down on this journey through life...i am happy...the sun feels good...the day stretches out before me with infinite possibilities...i fly...