the wings of change...

on a train to dc right now...loud car...loud child about 3 seats back...i need a nap and so does he...but i am awake and letting thoughts wind through me...last night i had a journey that showed me patterns of behavior with myself and others...they were not easy to look at but i looked...ready for greater change in my life...and i chuckle at the word change...i use to hate change...libra thing maybe...but now i just look at it and go "oh well here is change again"...i give myself a few deep breaths and the promise of a cookie and go for it...change...not so bad when there is a cookie...

i love the train...it gives me time to transition...to get use to being in a different place...a different pace...but in day to day life there is no transition...i go out the door and folks impact me unless i am well rested and aware...and i am learning to be this more and more...when i have been around calm people i have been calm...ungrounded folks are difficult...i have to ground and be conscious of boundaries...when i am around undercurrents of anger i recoil from the situation/person...when i am around happy people i am relaxed and feel so free...

personal boundaries of not taking on other folks stuff is crucial for me...being rested and grounded is important...staying away from those who are not practicing spiritual hygiene is important...who arent themselves at peace and full of light...

undercurrents were running wild like rapids when i left rhode island...so glad to have the distance...will be stronger on my return...my journey practice helps and i have some amazing journeys lined up to do...i met a new ancestral guide in dream group the other day...she is going to really help me in the next few weeks...i know some of my lingering dysfunctional patterns are going to leave and in the void of this is so much good stuff lining up...

my new guide is going to be helping me with the patterns of rejection and how i dont need to encourage this pattern of self abuse any more...i can step away from others who would reject me...i can see it sooner...this guide is also showing me the formation of patterns around me...how others operate and entangle me in their dysfunctions...how they create their stages for drama and how i would step onto them with an opposing reworking of the script they didnt like as much as their version...

i no longer step on those stages...i am getting it and i am grateful for such a strong and firmly grounded teacher...i am grateful for this time in my life...i am unlearning so much and reclaiming my original "mission to earth"...

looking forward to hanging with my family and rebuilding my strength...i am still run down from being sick this winter but i am going to get back to a stronger body and better health...i have confidence in this...

the train stops and starts...the child keeps the volume loud...a quiet woman sits beside me...i will let myself drift off and see what train dreams come my way...

this time for me in maryland is about being in the cocoon...from a caterpillar with only a limited view of my world i am making my way into being a creature who can see from different angles and heights...who can be still or fill the air with dancing colors...i am hopeful as i cocoon and become more of myself...i look forward to change...