we journeyed for our purpose...our bliss...
i journeyed into the night sky filled with stars...into a dark hole void of stars...and out the other side where there was an absence of everything...a whiteness i couldnt even call light...an ascended being was there...white but with feathery light shooting its form...silvery eyes...peaceful and so much love...i became as an ascended being as well...and this is when i realized this being was my brother brian who has passed on...
i asked him what is my purpose...to love...to be loved...to love everything and to allow everything to love you...
i knew this as my purpose here already...sometimes i fail at it...hard feelings come...yet i get up every day and set the intention...stay aware of it...when i stray from it i feel horrible...i love so much and care about everyone...
i asked him for a practical way to follow my bliss...live my purpose...yet pay bills and provide for myself...from his fingertip he sent out a spark of light that found the earth...the soil...a seed...i felt compelled to do the same...my spark entered a seed...i felt it...its experience as it became more...as it reached upward...became a flower...i felt the warmth...the life...the waves of beautiful energy it sent out...
my brother and i sent out more sparks...into trees, people, animals, water, birds...i felt it all...all these experiences and the energy of them...all the flow of pureness...of love...was the love sending it...i was part of the source of love...yet they became a source of love as well...
then we sent out a spark that entered an angry man...i felt his frustrations, his hurt, his woundings, his loss and loneliness...it was coiling tighter and tighter...he was suffering...but the sparks entered and were accepted...he felt loved...he wanted to feel it and so he opened up to it...more and more love poured into him...from everywhere and everything...he was healing...this great ball of light filled his chest and expanded...i felt him forgiving himself and forgiving others...i was in his tears...i was in his hands...i felt his being light up...i felt this rejoicing energy...he knew he was not alone and would never be alone again...
i turned to my brother who was smiling...it was so far beyond words...all of it...this is my purpose...to help heal others...it is just something i can do sitting in a room by myself or interacting with others...it is just about being loving...it is my path now...i need to completely fill this place inside myself and beyond with loving kindness...
~*~
as i still let the journey make its way through my being today i think about the whole money thing...how folks charge for being of service...i am comfortable with others doing so...i struggle with charging though...not because i dont value my work...i just want it to be there for everyone and not let money restrict it...i want to continue drumming and offering to be of service...i know my art and teaching will provide...i have faith it will...and the rest i can give of freely or simply accept a donation...i just have this fire in my belly...this belief...that we can all let go...that we can lay down our suffering and love bigger and better...not taking but giving...not holding on tightly to anyone but still being there for them...
i have been drumming more lately and been more and more conscious to rational yet spiritual thoughts...i am seeing things as i have never seen them before...loving without desire...forgiving without hesitation...humbling myself...i have a ways to go but i do feel this profound shift...this harmonizing vibration within me...as if things make sense without me even needing to know them...it is so difficult to explain...i just feel at peace...rested...full of love...suffering emptying out of me as if it were an hourglass with a hole in the bottom...the suffering gone gone gone...knowing whenever something painful or sad does occur i can see the blessing, understand the lesson, remove the fears and selfishness...there simply is an emptiness now where only light remains...
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