the struggle...

i became a pond...still...without  a ripple...thoughts like fish move within me...i am in the murky bottom of things...not understanding yet reaching out to find the answers...to find the strength to even continue seeking them...i am in this place...alone...doing what i can to right my course again...to be compassionate towards myself...and the fish thoughts swim faster and the murky water gets more clouded...to still my thoughts i have to let go...let go of wanting to understand...let go of needing to figure things out...let go of desire...let go of hope...let go of faith..let go of everything...enter the silence...so the fish calm down...the water clears...and i can find my way again...