so much to do and yet i do nothing this evening...a bit of a struggle breathing...and so i journeyed into it...i went into a hole in the ground and came up through my own body...lungs and flesh and warm blood...the pulse of my own heart moving me along...til i was in the dark...it felt like the back of my head...and i heard a voice...small and soft...it was a younger me...she was very tender with her words...comforting me...just keep breathing...in and out...in and out...accept...accept...no struggle...just love...just love....just love...her chant of just love went on for many moments...then there was a rushing sound and fast movement and light...incredible light...
i was in a different place now...a place of immense love...as if all the love in the world that has ever been was reaching me...i felt pure...i felt clean...i felt as if no matter what i have done or would ever do i would always be loved...i became so grateful...i sat in this place and simply accepted this wonderful river of love...
i was moved along again...i was in a dark and damp place...i felt animals all around me...angry and snarling...i became afraid...i was being bitten...i cried out...i was so alone...and i cried out again...still alone...and so i pulled myself up and ran...ran for a long time...tired...bleeding...frightened...
i ended up running into the water...the ocean...the salt stinging my wounds and yet i stood there letting it wash over me...and i kept chanting...just love...just love...just love...
i realized the struggle to breath is the pattern of struggle i create...i close off...i shut down...the breath is my own opening up...and so i came back to now with the knowledge of how dangerous shutting down can be...when i want to hide out and become isolated i need to open up...when i love i need to show my love...when i feel lost i need to seek a way out...
this journey was a strong one...a good teaching...i am open and loving and unafraid...
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