~♥~MY AWESOMENESS~♥~

lately i have had these huge moments of surrender and enlightenment...still got a ways to go but dont we all...(keepin it humble like the dalai lama)....i put my ego in a coffin and floated it down the river styx...i let go of my attachments to romantic love and decided if it comes to me (and doesnt feel like an insanely tight woolen sweater) i will enjoy it but otherwise i am not even going to let my mind go in that direction...

uh what else?...oh i am learning to live alone...i must say it doesnt suit me but it is a good motivation to own some land some day, get a dog and invite all my friends to a 24/7 buffet of life on the land!...

more...i super recently embraced the people who make an effort to be around me...i am breaking myself of the habit of inviting myself to someone's home or asking more than once if they wish to do something together...it was getting me all funked up...

big shift is i am committing myself.....to my art and teaching...you thought i was going to say to the funny farm?...lol...i am who i am and that i am is all that i am and i am an artist...that does sound like a crazy person huh?..a crazy artist?

in fact i am a crazy artist...and it is about time i acted like one!

another revolution behind my eyes is my self love...i fought a big battle and won that freakin war!...rejection and all that pity party stinkin thinkin is done...no ego to make me feel crappy about myself...feeling my soul love and that is all i need...no voices in my head repeating stupid lines from my childhood about "no one is ever going to love you" and all that rot...i am worth loving and spending time with and yeah i can be talkative and silly but at least i can be interesting and not some sad sock sitting in a corner picking her problems apart...yeah i tell the worst knock, knock jokes on the planet and so what if i cant make pancakes...who's perfect?

i woke up this morning and felt happy...i woke up with a smile...i woke up in love with myself...not a bad way to start the day...no biggie...just years of therapy, self work, a few smart thoughts and boom...big billboard with flashing LEDs saying COLLEEN IS AWESOME!

now i relax for the rest of my time on the planet...i dont stress out over money or judgments from others....know that i dont have to be perfect because just how i am is good enough...step up to do the difficult things in life...accept what is...and just love...