i feel as if i have paintings crowded in my fingertips tonight...but i have no energy to paint...i even napped today...well i wouldnt call it napping...i went unconscious for 3 hours...sitting and reading and then poof...nothingness...how wonderful that was...until the usual bad dream comes and pokes me awake with an adrenaline rush...
i feel like so much lately keeps smashing up against me...i feel as if i have been in a slow train wreck...high centered on a track...and here comes the train...slowly climbing over me and grinding me to bits...and then the train is gone...my mangled mess there...vultures circle...a cartoon caption reads: Rest In Pieces with a smiley face exclamation point...
i get the humor of all of it...the silly waste of twisting in the breeze as days and months go by...i tell myself you know what to do and not do...you know what breaks your heart and feeds your spirit...you know what is important and not...you know what trips you up...you know it and yet you keep stepping right back into bull pies!
tedious...simply tedious...but funny in a cartoon violence kinda way...over and over hurting myself with the same old patterns...yep tedious...
but night is here...the simple blanket of comfort is the darkness for me...i long for more stars in the sky but those nights will come again...i climb into my nest and let my mind drift like sand across an empty beach...moon and ocean dancing together...and i am the sand dancing with the wind...
perhaps i will dream of paintings tonight...perhaps in my dream i will paint my smiling muse and it will give me peace...
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