in 1990 i was cabin sitting for a friend and caring for her dogs...she had just built the cabin and bits of scrap wood were piled beneath the porch to use for kindling...i had my paints so i took a piece of wood roughly 3"X5" and painted a small version of her cabin and the hills as a thank you for having a lovely place to stay for a week to work...that got me started painting widgets as i call them all these years later...i dont paint them often now but i do like offering them for sale at events from time to time...inexpensive but pleasant little pieces...tree silhouettes and landscapes...as fridge magnets and pins usually...
back then they were my bread and butter as i sat out in the country painting them in my isolation...then i would take them to craft shows or have them for sale at local shops...as i was always moving they came in handy to be so small and easy to travel with...only years later did i start painting on canvas again...
today i once again painted my widgets...easy to travel with...inexpensive but glad to have the money as i navigate this inbetween time of finding my way to someplace else...for company today i played an old movie i loved as a kid and watch from time to time...bette davis in "a pocketful of miracles"...crying from the memory of other times i have watched it...crying as i feel this woman's suffering in the movie...the rain falls and i paint my widgets...remembering all the places i have been in the years in between...all those places i sat at a table painting these tiny worlds...today wondering if i will ever do this again ...any of this...in the future...or will this be the last time i start at sqaure one again...painting widgets...
yet the gratitude i feel for having these little widgets...this connection with that cabin and the younger me...is immense...i smile and wave at her...she was so hopeful and brave...so ready to let so much light into her life...to love and be loved...she is a good teacher today...her in her flannel work shirt with paint on it...dogs at her feet infront of a fireplace...sun setting over those blue west virginia hills...the light slanting in just that slow summer way...creating a watermelon pink in the sinking sun...crickets chirping and the fireflies blinking across the field of queen annes lace and daisies...in the distance a dog barks...the dogs at my feet lift their heads but dont bother to call back...my younger self gets up and makes a pot of mint tea and returns to her work...wondering what is ahead for her...from there to a few weeks stay at an intentional community of back to earthers who stone grind their own corn to make cornbread and debate about having chickens or not...
tonight i dont have the life in the country...the mellowing down of an evening...i have noisy neighbors and a tiredness that aches my heart...but i am still that widget painter...and do imagine a day at the beach soon, a walk in the woods, a visit to some favorite trees here...a roadtrip and then...i dunno...just like the younger me i know as well...sometimes you have to accept the unknown and enjoy the simple unfolding of each day...
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