planet alt: love IS the answer to everything...

so i ended up going to the beech tree earlier...i was thinking about her so much i just needed to be there...thought i was going to just snap some photos and visit...but noooo...i was sent on a very beautiful headtrip...i was taken in by this wise tree and shown how to transform my own pain and many doubts about myself...here i was writing about the previous exercise of becoming a tree and to bring the wind in and...well... the beech tree took me on that trip into her and back out again...

so i may write stream-of-conscious thoughts as i get further into this...but it is good for you to see how this form of writing gives way to greater insights...here goes...

i took a picture of her "wound" and as i did i began to see all the tree carving people had done...i had seen this before and was bothered by it but this time it seemed so raw on her body...some were old scars and some fresh...did they ask permission of her? did they know it is an unhealthy thing to do to a tree?! were they so stupid and selfish...i was getting elf-hopping angry...

and then i felt it...as i was snapping shots and getting more angry...i felt the beginning of my own rooted place of wounds...ones i had lessened...some that held on...others i thought i had released...i was connecting to the tree and she to me...her years of being carved into...couples in love...dates and initials trailing up her great trunk...she couldnt hate them...they wanted to etch into a strong place the love they felt...even if the love faded and the lovers parted she carried their tattoo...people came and went but few truly saw her...felt her...reached out gently to her...they would strike her trunk with one of her own fallen limbs or strip her leaves and break her branches...they would throw bottles at her...they would climb her in silly drunken displays of immaturity...they would urinate on her...they would fight beneath her shade...she felt their confusion and suffering yet they would not reach out to her for healing...

i wept for them and myself...i felt the tears down my face as if it were sap trailing down her...my eyes changed colors i noticed later...more green than usual or maybe the wash of tears gave this illusion...i simply wept...for how we humans can become so lost...the suffering and the waste...the cure ignored...love and respect and compassion...but...at my moment of turning to complete despair and resentment towards the way things are she changed the moment...she brought in the light...

and i kept taking pictures...feeling the light grow...until i couldnt take any more pictures...i leaned against the tree and was part of the light...

and in the light i began to feel the presence of so many loved ones who have passed on...the elf king (karen), the bear (my brother), tigger (jack), sunshine (janet)...others...my cousin travis, wanda, erica quin, jojo, fender...so many...so many were sending me so much light...just out of reach...at the top of the tree...smiling down...too much for me to take if they came closer...so much love...you cant imagine the greatness of that love...it was like the best moment of joy you have ever experienced as a human...then take it and add more to it...without words or touch or sight i felt their love...the flow of love...i stood in it...their love...and then the joy came...the new sight came...i saw the tree itself differently...she had found something in me as well...hope...that others would look at her and her world of trees and find healing...

the carvings became prayers then...a hope...lines of hope...and above her wound was the words i love...

and it had been unseen before her great limb fell away...i love...someone had climbed her and carved it in the heart of her...

love

4EVER

and there it was...she held her lover as they are one...i hold my loved ones...they are part of me...and all around me there is the beauty of her gift...