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i was pulled quickly into a cave and came out on a beach cliff...climbing down a rope i was surrounded by darting birds but none were my guide...i got the sense they wouldnt let me fall though...their eyes were so kind and they spoke words of comfort...wings gently brushed against me as i descended the cliff face...the beach had fine sand and warm from the day of sun shining on it...
i walked to the water and put my hands on the surface as i do and then on a rock...the hand revealed a heart shape in the palm untouched by the water's imprint...as the sun dissolved the handprint i put my own hand to my heart...i felt my heart beating...it has always been there...at times a comfort when i am alone...i have always thought it spoke one word all my life...love love love...a lifetime of prayer...a chant through my day...the underlying sonic driver drumming in my chest until this life closes out...love love love...
my eyes closed and i stood at the edge of the water...one foot on land and one in the ocean...
i rocked as if i were playing my drum...my hand gently patting my chest...singing a prayer..."let love transform my sorrow...let love flow to others who suffer...let love heal us...let love light the world"...and as i was singing i felt a presence behind me...i didnt turn around...i reached my hand back and offered it...i knew if my hand was held it would be my guide...and it was taken...a kind energy filled me...a gentle soul was there to my side...my eyes opened but i did not look over...i looked at the sky...thin fingers of pink and reds streaked the sunset...stars began to reveal themselves...the world darkened yet the sky was fully blossoming with stars...i felt the drumming of my heart...love love love...i felt my hand held by the unseen one...a womanly energy had come to me at the lake in maine...this unseen one was the same being's energy...i heard thoughts not mine and it was the unseen one speaking within me...she was full of compassion and peace...she was my guide and she was strong and yet vulnerable herself...
she was telling me to listen...listen closely...listen to the sky and the trees and the wind and the soul of the earth...i asked what the soul of the earth is...the stars seemed then to twinkle brightly...as if laughing...the waves shivered to shore as if laughing...the sand snaked around my feet laughing...the birds swooped up and down laughing...i laughed...happiness is the soul of the earth the unseen one thought to me...where ever there is laughter and love and communion of peace their is happiness...and happiness is mother earths soul and she is with you in spirit now...
are you mother earth i asked...no...but she brought me to you...she loves you...i love you...you need to love yourself now...you need to accept who you are and love big...
she stepped behind me and wrapped her arms around me...her hands softly beat my chest...the ocean stopped moving and the stars calmed their light...the sand fell flat again...the birds landed and were silent...there were no sounds...no movement but the movement of her hands...and the chant of my heart...love love love...
rage roared in me...flashing memories of being alone as a child...alone and scared...tortured and hurting...bloody and swallowing my tears silently...a flash of memory of my small body standing up and walking strong...carrying the weight of my pain...the bruises...the strap marks...snakes of hate-filled words wrapped around my heart then...but my heart pushed them away...
the unseen one thought to me...you were not those words...you were not those acts of violence...you were not unloved...you were always loved...by the earth and the creator of all...you were always meant to live...you were always meant to love well and be loved back...you let the dark ways devour you at times and you hurt yourself...forgive yourself now...
i felt her press against me and then i felt her heart beating...it chanted with mine...love love love...
i saw more...flashing memories of my kindness to others...even to those who have harmed me...i saw myself through others eyes and saw the good person i am...then i saw myself as i thought i was...unkind...unlovable...selfish...
she took my hands and placed them over hers...drumming my chest...
her thoughts came again....forgive and let go...open yourself...give yourself to love...open yourself to happiness...to the soul of mother earth...delight in her and love yourself and others with the joy and peace she offers you...the creator of all wants you to be happy...let go...fall away from the old...leap into the new...i will be here...i am here...
the stars glistened like crystals full of light...brighter and brighter until the ocean was filled with the light...waves lifted up again...sparks of light shot through the waves that curled up along the shoreline...the birds glowed with the light filling their wings...they lifted up into the air and road the currents...gliding in silence...the sand looked like diamonds beneath my feet...the world sung out with light....i felt light shooting from me...from every pour...i floated...my body lifting...she lifted me up...the drumming still going on...
i felt loved...i felt the creator of all...i felt the unseen one...i felt the soul of the earth...
she stopped drumming and took my hands...floating and holding me from behind...and i drifted like a feather...over the ocean...beneath the stars...floating and simply being at peace...
she reached up and scooped a handful of stars and gave them to me as if they were water to drink from her cupped hand...and then she thought to me...go now...let the light flow through you...you have your answer...
and i do...i am stronger today...very mentally tired but then the head trip i took this morning would tire anyone...so today i am keeping it simple...a walk...alittle sketching...drumming this evening...
for anyone reading this i love you...i send you a kind ribbon of light to wrap around you and dissolve into you...you and i are loved...there is a big love and i feel it...i hope you do too...
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