trippy thought #9,992,457,215,002

woke up thinking about love and the different ways of loving and the perfection of love...the one perfect and pure thing on this earth really...so i journeyed on love...didnt even pose a question...just dived right in...

went to a lush woods...came to a very elaborate nesting tree where this way cool bird creature was hanging out...i go to speak and instead i am singing the song lines "i want to know what love is...i want you to show me...i want to feel what love is...i know you can show me..." (by the band foreigner) and then i just started laughing and laughing...rolling on the ground...one of those wild jags of laughter ya know?...

i realized the cool bird was like a 70's glam rock kinda bird...and the stars were tiny disco balls...the tree had a 70's pop art look...and i was wearing my cool purple suede bell bottomed pants suit from the 70's!...i tell ya i was the hottest looking 7th grader on the planet!...and there i was dressed like it again...

and oh my gosh i had this wonderful, perfect memory of my first true love getting off the school bus...annetta h. with her long hair and freckles across her nose...i adored her...sigh...and then i realized more...it was the time period my parents were freaking out even more about me...it was when i got very sick...it was around when i first wanted to kill myself...wow...

and i remember the butterflies in stilettos dancing in my tummy when i saw her...and all those years after going to school with her...of being near her but remaining friends always...holding back...never telling her...just adoring her...and she still pops up in my head from time to time...i wish her happiness and that she is safe and healthy...it is a nice moment to spend with her...

i have settled many times to be with someone i love...and yet loving itself is something completely unattached to what experiences may or may not happen...simply put--love is love...

and so there is the answer...

i also thought of how wonderful it is to love...i sat under the tree in the the cascade of dancing lights falling from the disco balls in the sky...and i loved...waves of love going out...and the more i loved the more love i wanted to send out...unattached to any outcome...just loving everything and everyone...and feeling it come back in wonderful waves of love as well...trippy...very trippy...

~*~