some days it hurts so much to be in this world...this world where i dont fit...where so little makes sense...where i try so very hard to be "normal" and yet i am not...i stood listening to a man talk about trips with his wife...where they bought african masks...and i could have just stayed there listening to his stories all day...i lost myself for a moment at another point watching a sad young man count out change for a drink...down to his last pennies he didnt have enough and i walked by and put in his hand a five dollar bill even though i am semi broke...i just wanted to give him the happiness of the drink...i connected with them because they are me...
and i got sad today...i got sad because the world around me felt sad today...there was this edge to everything and everyone today...a thorny edge of unhappiness...and i was a part of it...
i could have easily climbed into that unhappy world but i didnt...instead i looked at my photographs of nature...of waterlilies...they make me happy...they make me feel "normal" in my own little world...they connect me with peace and harmony...
of all flowers the waterlilies make me feel like...well...even if i may not belong anywhere i belong to them...they are my kindred...they will always be kind to me...never judge me...send me beautiful soul energy...and out in the world this is not a normal thing to think of waterlilies...but in my world...a world where a man talking about a trip or a thirsty young man without money or a stranger who looks my way and smiles...well they are waterlilies too...they just dont know it...and they make me happy too...
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