happy day

feeling so much love today...so much gratitude...so much peace...feeling the green of the earth flowing through me...feeling the strength of the oak keep me strong...feeling the birdsong and flowers singing into my soul...feeling all the way alive...throttle up...heart open...eyes shining...happy...

may we all give our best selves to the world today...may we all be a part of the healing of this planet...my we buy less and give more...may we sit down to meals with friends and family...may we walk in nature with renewed respect...may we take a hand and hold it gently...

let us throw out the debri of anger and fear...let us bring in the light and love and sacredness into our days...

love well....love with joy...and love big...

happy day...i send a wave of happiness over everyone and everything...

sweet nothings....

i am sure you have had a song or a quote stuck in your head for hours...how about two words for about 3 days now...i heard it one night as i was drifting off to sleep...it was soft and beguiling...sweet nothings sweet nothings sweet nothings...it sent chills over me...it thrilled me...it danced through me...in my head all day...all night...in journeys it pops in and when i am driving...a soft chant in a womans voice...yet it is just out of reach...i cant tell who it is...it is a whisper into my soul...and it is like it has been said to me already...but i cant remember who or when...as if remembering would make me sad...but hearing it only makes my heart leap up now...i dont mind it being there...chanting as it does...it is a happy spell...

i journeyed to it but all i got was a blink of a pattern i cant translate into meaning...yet there it is...rising up in my heart again...sweet nothings sweet nothings sweet nothings...and i am so close to remembering...why would it be painful to remember something so gentle...

today i paint...i will let this feeling drift through me...maybe i will remember you...or maybe i will let the good of it ease through me in these stretch of hours...letting the sad edge of it smooth away...

a new day, a better understanding of life

i had a super big thought this morning...and it didnt strain my brain:)...this is it...

i have had many people in my life pass away over the years...i have been with some as they passed...friends and family and even strangers i stayed with as they took their last breaths...some went peacefully and others didnt...death made an appearance early in my life...and i had this self truth and life experience weave into my understanding of what i thought was an unrelated thought this morning...

i have felt like an incredible failure at times...in relationships...my career...in other ways...most recently because i couldnt get people to take my classes or have me teach in their spaces...i picked apart the whys...and it just made me more disheartened...until...

until i realized...i take risks...i leap in...i say yes...a good quality to me...

and in doing this many times i dont succeed as often as i "fail"...but i do gain experience...i have an adventure...i become braver...i see clearer what i do want and how to achieve it...the world is my lab...

and the second thing i realized in knowing how often i try something not as self sabotage but to simply see if it will work is i know life is very short...in fact it is not even a day long for many in the world each day....and i have seen this first hand...so i do leap into things at times...i will put off work a few hours or a day to go do something with someone because time with others is my wealth...i open my heart and love because this is great success on a spiritual level...

i risk...i venture into things with the thought i need to be here right now...at times i ask myself what the heck am i doing...this is not going to end well i say...yet somehow i know i am meant to be there in that relationship or in a business situation or job...i am meant to know someone or experience something...so i trust it...and oh wow i trust me!

i realized this morning i have not failed at one thing...not at love or work or life...i have simply said yes to life...knowing sometimes it will not be easy or understandable at times but i know to do it...to take leaps of faith...often...and now with a greater awareness of what true success is to me...

i like knowing this...makes living my life much easier to understand...

talent!

the bees and butterflies kept me company today as i sat out and said my morning prayers...i marvel at the pudgy bee sipping flowers upside down...how talented she is...

surrender

i give up...give in...i surrender...i give myself to the unseen divine flow of love manifested in lovers everywhere...my companion is all of Nature...i will never be alone again...i take to me all i know as universal truth and release the untrue...

i honor myself and others with my actions...

i will not step from my path again...

i embrace my inner wisdom and higher guidance...

i am no longer a slave to a world of dysfunction...

i am done with the "real world"...done with "the mainstream"...the world of consuming things is killing this planet...i will not join in...

i am excited to walk away from all the broken parts of this world...you dont care about me so why should i support you...goodbye coke...so long target...adios wendys...oh and citizens bank?...kiss it as i close my account...no credit cards...no cell phone...no problem...cash or barter from now on...hey china how you like me now?...i will not help you buy one more bullet to murder a tibetian monk...uncle sam?...no more for you either...i cut you off of your addiction...i will not be an enabler...put yourself on a diet and i will re-consider...

i surrender to my own good conscious...i surrender to my own integrity...i surrender to my path...my purpose...my bliss...

palms up...i surrender...

feeling it...

working out this creeping vibe the last couple of days...it finally coiled around me this evening and sunk its teeth in...though this afternoon i was surrounded by green energy and sending out such calm prayers...i really dont know what this thing is that is at the far edges of some of my days...it always feels like someone sending out huge waves of negative intent...and so i protect myself yet bits creep in and start nibbling away...

this happened tonight...i will dream on it i sense...it will come to me...and i will see it for what it is...or who it is...i would rather dream a fluffy happy dream but i know it is coming and i will deal with it...i just wish whoever is sending those negative vibes would find something better to do...the world doesnt need it and neither do i...

so my prayer is that the love of the unseen expands and removes the darkness in hearts this hour...may there be more love than hate...more kindness than unkind...more compassion...more gentle thoughts...

journeying this morning...

journey this morning...i used the crazy "drumming" of the bird pecking on the stove pipe...it is early in its pecking today so i smiled and journeyed with its steady tap tap tap...

i journeyed to the owl tree i go to sometimes...owl gave me a teaching on being focused...making decisions that are sound and productive...to be with my own kind and learn and teach...to be efficient in my hours and in my movements and resources...to not be wasteful of anything...

to be ready for what is coming...to be patient and understanding...to act on what i am called upon to do and not hesitate...to open up even more of myself and to step onto a new path...

i surrender to this...

then dragonfly came and showed me a green field and so many flowers talking at once...but i heard one above all others...it didnt speak loudly but i was drawn to it...it was gentle and soft spoken...it let me rest upon one of its leaves as it spoke..."you are coming home to yourself...open to the power of love...artist...building the archway of the three pillars for others to enter into...you are creating the primal opening for yourself and others...all space becoming sacred as you clear it...you are the crystal prism light passes through...you are a shaman..."


as i came from this journey i realized something i said to someone in the past few days has still been coursing through me...when i said i feel as if i need to study with a teacher coming to rhode island so that i am taken more seriously...so much which was grassroots and intuitive has become academic...because we became a country further up from the ground and disconnected...i realized i was feeling this outside feeling and this pressure to have a teacher...so i would be accepted in a way i am not now...letters after your name bias seems to be happening alot lately...if you study with someone it gives you legitimacy and more respect in this spiritual culture...if you charge more for your services you are considered an expert or master of what you do...it is similar to the art world...and i was feeling this pressure...to conform...to assimilate...to be brought into a community of others and be accepted...yet i felt owl's presence telling me i AM home....

i am part of everything and that is my community...some are after the brass ring of enlightenment in an ego feeding way...i have received the grace of knowing and as i need to know something or meet up with a teacher this will happen...for now i am at ease with who and what i am...at peace and comfortable with my way...my new way...and what i felt a few days ago...that i am not a shaman til i receive a western mind's stamp of approval is simply not true...i am a shaman and an artist in the most sacred expression of both...

i will follow up with a journey about this and do more work around what direction to go in...now i release this feeling of needing to be like others in that mainstream sense...